Christians are nuts

mohsen-dayz.blogspot.com

More and more I am convinced that Christians have become exhausted of the superficial and trite blogs and devotionals that address an issue common to mainstream theology and philosophy.  We are searching for the meaning of our lives, for truth.  A majority of the readers of this blog have found that meaning and truth in Jesus Christ.  We are now an adventure of learning more about Christ and consequently, ourselves.  We find our personality and wholeness in Christ, gazing in Him as a mirror of our new nature and softened heart.  Christianity is not a new phenomenon; there are scholars and writers throughout the history of man who have purposed themselves in encouraging the believers of their generation to live Christ like lives.  As Christians in the 21st century, we have a wealth of knowledge available to us but none of this knowledge has transformed the world like the simplicity of the Gospel.  Despite the advancement of technology and social media, the Gospel has remained entirely the same and its power has not diminished.

Rather than obsess over the newest Christian book (I am being hypocritical because I long to write one) or the most popular ministry tactic, we must remember a fundamental truth of Christianity.  An understanding of this truth will change the way in which we view our lives.  It will penetrate that depths of the darkness that hovers around our world.  To allow this truth to transform our hearts will change the world nearly instantly.  This truth is that Christians are nuts.

I can hear the sigh of relief from my secular readers and a gasp of concern from my devout ones.  Christians, seriously ponder the mysteries of our faith.  By surrendering to Jesus Christ as our Lord, we left the matrix of fleshly living and our moral compass has transformed from self pleasure to pleasing a God we have yet to see in the physical.  We are clinically insane and possibly schizophrenic, we are delusional and we  hallucinate, we believe that we are called by a Higher Power to a mission to save the world with His love, we hear the voice of God and we obey Him if it cost us our lives.  We project the atrocities of humanity onto an enemy we also cannot see and cast invisible spirits into the pit where they have originated.  How can any rational  and logical human being not say that Christians are insane?  We are severely mentally ill at worst and at best we all have some type of Messiah complex that compels us to participate in certain behaviors (such as church attendance and missions trips).

Before you dismiss me as the next Rob Bell, please see the beauty of the insanity of a Christian.  Once a Christian realizes that he or she is nuts, I believe they will begin to live more Christ like lives.  Peter writes to the believers, calling them "aliens and strangers in the world" (1 Peter 2:11).  Aliens and strangers.  Our entire thought process is starkly different than those who call the earth home.  Our entire philosophy opposes and contradicts the philosophy of modern man.  The teachings of Christ by nature confront the urges and instincts of natural man.  Forgive your enemy, submit to your husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the church, men consider maidens (virgins) as your sisters, sell all you have, give to the poor, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, and so on.  It is no wonder why the world does not willingly accept the the gospel of our Lord.  They think He is crazy.  And because we follow Him, we are crazy too.

Acceptance of our insanity will release us from the compulsion to "fit in" with those around us.  Christians are not supposed to fit in.  Jesus was the archetype of Christian (though by definition I suppose Christ could not follow Himself unless He could dissociate).  Christians have been trying so hard to fit into the world, to be just like the ones to whom they minister.  Because of the nature of our new hearts, we desire to be at peace with our fellow man yet at what cost?  We are not seen as aliens and strangers, we are seen as hypocrites and liars.  We are seen as strange not because our faith and love changes the world, but because we say one thing and do the opposite.

I encourage us to reject the notion that we will be accepted by this world.   Should the world accept us with open arms, I dare say that the Lord may not do the same when we stand before His throne.  Where we may have compromised and sought out the acceptance of the world, we must surrender before the King and ask Him for mercy and repent.  We can no longer be known as "good people" who occasionally do the "right thing," but lunatics who have an obsession with integrity and truth, who cannot help but to love others with the entirety of their beings.  The first step is to positively identify the areas in our lives where we most long to be accepted by the world.  We can do this by examining the areas where we compromise the most.  Compromise is a symptom of a disagreement with the principles of Gospel, of cognitive and spiritual dissonance that requires immediate treatment.  For instance, a young man could use foul language in the presence of his atheistic friends to earn their acceptance despite his knowledge that his behavior is evil.  A young woman may dress provocatively to attain the attention of men and to receive social acceptance, despite her awareness that the Lord has called her to a lifestyle of virtue.  Identify where we compromise, where we are most afraid to be strangers and aliens, and present this matter to the Lord with an attitude of humility and repentance.

"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own.  As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world.  That is why the world hates you."  John 15:19  Jesus spoke those words to His disciples 2,000 years ago.  It is the prayer of my heart that they become our true story.

My end of the year secret

westernthm.wordpress.com

I wrote in my journal the following sentence today: "I give up on knowing."  Though the context in which it was written is irrelevant, the appearance of those words in that order on the page of my journal caused internal conflict.  Part of my heart feels that it is has reached this place of existence where understanding the meta-cognitive detail of my spiritual and emotional well being has become overwhelming.  Perhaps there is truth to the notion that one can be so self aware that he can become self absorbed, lost in a pursuit of inner shalom that is not possible on this side of eternity.  Perhaps it is true that one can be meticulous in the examination of his heart that even the peace of God does not mollify the angst of imperfection.  Even God, in His infinite wisdom and knowledge, is aware that humanity requires a Savior to experience even the slightest taste of goodness and internal rest.  There are times when I feel that God is looking at me and saying, "Give yourself a break."  And even if the Divine were to whisper that line to my heart, I would feel that I had failed Him because I could not achieve the spiritual maturity of never requiring a break.

As I reach this conclusion, I am entirely hesitant to post about it so my friends (and possibly a few strangers) could read about the depths of my heart's struggle with works salvation.  The beauty of blogging is that the blogger (I) can hide behind words on a page without sharing the means by which he (I) have reached the conclusions that he (I) has (have) reached.  Nevertheless, I write so the body of Christ can be edified.  Therefore I can vulnerably confess to the world (or the 24 people who will read this entry) that I do not believe that God is entirely satisfied with me.  When I read those words back to myself, I recognize that they are not Biblical nor are they accurate.  Despite my knowledge of the scriptures that tell believers that God is satisfied with His children, that they bring Him joy and that they are forgiven and sanctified by the blood of Jesus, I struggle to accept God's grace.

This issue is rooted deeply in my development throughout my childhood and adolescence.  Rejected by family and peers, I was taught that love is something that can be "achieved" by doing the right things at the right time for the right people.  Failure to say or do the right things at the correct moment resulted in emotional abandonment, creating a truthful fallacy (if such a thing can exist) that love ceases when good works cease.  It was my father who taught this to me more than any other person, producing a black hole in my heart that would vacuum any fabrication of intimacy and satisfaction into my soul (pornography, alcohol abuse, etc.).  If I failed to meet his unknown and untold expectations at any moment, I was reminded of my failure through insults, lectures and even worse, the cold shoulder or the lonely night on the steps waiting for Dad to visit.

The Lord has graciously placed me in a position now where He is surfacing these deep issues of my heart.  In the chaos of my life, continually surrounded by the responsibilities that accompany a young man on his adventure towards leaving his "father's house" (though my father was never in that house), I am finding that Christ lovingly confronts my heart with its faulty belief systems.  As He exemplifies tough love, God has not allowed me to escape the consequences of my upbringing.  Granting me a deeply introspective heart that longs to please, He is aware that I will respond to His confrontations with open arms.  However, where God disciplines me, I punish myself for failing to meet the mark.  I will even fast as a punishment for sinning, thinking that my fasting will perhaps earn my God's favor once again.

In my humanity, I have projected this perspective of my earthly father unto my heavenly Father.  Furthermore, I have projected this from my heavenly Father to the rest of humanity, requiring affirmation and reminders from those around me that my imperfection is not a flaw in my design but simply part of the design of humanity.  The idea that I can achieve optimal performance in any area of my life is a Messiah complex at best and is foolishness when written before me for my eyes to read.  

In the coming year, I long to experience the depths of healing of the lies presented to me by the enemy.  Furthermore, I desire to experience God's grace, to know that He truly has accepted me as I am not out of pity or obligation, but out of love.  Perhaps I will then be able to better experience the love of others and the internal rest that my heart so desires.  

This is the most transparent I have been in my years of writing, speaking and ministry.  Though I admit that I believe there are risks with posting these types of blogs frequently, I feel that the Lord grants us each certain experiences that can build others if we disallow ourselves the right to have a secret.  The irony of this entry is that the very thing that I inspired me to write is my frustration with my compulsion to write about my continual examination of my heart.  For those of you who are practical, who long for a "what do I do with this" conclusion, I can offer nothing but my apologies.  I do not know what to do next but to pray and perhaps come to the conclusion that giving up on knowing may be the beginning of a journey towards peace.

"For is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast."  Eph. 2:8-9 (NIV).  May this verse penetrate the depths of our hearts so that we will be free to live a grace filled life of certain acceptance and genuine contentedness.

Jesus makes me nauseous

immediatetheatre.org

During my private study with God, I have been reading Revelation.  I have never read the Book of Revelation in its entirety and have only familiarized myself with the material that pastors use in sermons to make interesting points.  I am trying not to be a superficial Bible reader so now I am really reading the book all the way through.

In Revelation 11, John is in the presence of a "mighty angel" (Rev. 11:1) who speaks with the voice of the "seven thunders" (Rev. 11:3).  When John went to write down the words of the angel who possessed a "little scroll," he was instructed by the Lord not do so.  John was not allowed to write the words of the angel, leaving the contents of the little scroll unknown to all mankind but John.  I wonder what words were spoken by the angel.  I ponder their power and their influence on humanity, but I recognize that God intentionally allowed the words of the little scroll and the angel to be a mystery to us.

As a truth seeker who desires to know the truth behind all things, this is a bit frustrating for me.  Why must there be secrets?  Yet, I recognize that Jesus Christ is truth personified and that He does not lie.  He is not passive, He assertively tells us there are some things for us to know and some things that we are not to know.  It was Satan who used God's sovereign and hidden knowledge to manipulate Adam and Eve.  He accuses God of keeping secrets from us so we will not be equal to Him.  Satan's own insecurity and pride is projected onto all of us causing us to be upset about the things that we do not know rather being thankfully content for the things we do know.

John is commanded to go to the angel and take the little scroll from him.  The angel informs John that he must eat the scroll.  The angel states that the scroll will initially taste like honey, but it will "sour" John's stomach (v. 9).  As the angel said, the scroll tasted as sweet as honey in his mouth but terribly upset his stomach (v. 10).  John was then told that he must prophesy again about many peoples, nations, languages and kinds (v. 11).  The same thing occurred with Ezekiel, when he was told to eat a scroll filled with judgments that caused his stomach to turn sour despite its sweetness in his mouth (Ezekiel 3).  I wonder if lactose intolerance was birthed at this moment.  Sweet in the mouth, awful in the stomach.

If we were to extrapolate this concept of sweetness in the mouth but sour in the stomach, I think we may find that the Lord has been doing the same things in our lives today.  There are specific issues and teachings that cause us to rejoice when we first hear of them, but they cause us deep unrest.  We may initially be excited about an international missions trip, but then find ourselves so convicted about what we have learned that it nearly makes us sick.  We may feel elated to disciple and mentor inner city children at the local public school, but then feel sick when we understand the conditions of the inner city neighborhoods.  The Lord will often turn our stomachs with conviction.  We feel so entirely moved about a certain cause or passion that we now feel compelled to act in an expression of God's love and justice.  We desire to be agents of shalom, representatives of the healing wholeness and rest that Jesus offers the world.

I cannot write on this topic very well because we do not know the contents of the scroll, but we know that after feeling incredibly nauseous John is instructed to prophesy.  The Holy Spirit may have done something similar in your life.  What makes you feel so nauseous and convicted that you feel you must act?  What passions has He given you?  Did you feel so burdened about the living conditions of the inner city that you must tell others?  Are you so passionate about sexual purity that you feel compelled to redefine the boundaries of your relationship?  Do you feel intense concern for victims of abuse and recognize that it is time for you to take personal action?  Does Jesus makes you feel nauseous about something?

This can be incredibly frustrating to meditate upon.  I am entirely nauseous about fatherhood and the lack of loving and supportive fathers.  Yet, I am not a dad.  What do I do?  Where do I turn?  So often the church does something silly like start a new fatherhood ministry that tells dads what they need to do to be good dads.  And when the super dad who runs the program has an affair and beats his son, the ministry falls apart and everyone goes back to their regular lives feeling defeated.  I would be wrong to encourage you to explore your passion and tell you to take action.  I struggle with the believers of the justice movement in the Church because they often say that we must take action if we feel passionate about something.  This leads to disorganized movements of young people trying to solve a problem or address a social concern without the guidance of mature believers, spiritual authority and most of all, the Holy Spirit.  I believe that God wants us to take action, but I also believe that hasty and unprotected action is equally if not more harmful than inaction. The Lord desires passion, but He desires obedience even more.

So what do you do next?  I do not know.  I do know that we need to pray, fast, read the Word and ask the Lord where to go, where to turn.  We can ask God to provide pastoral covering.  We can ask God where the work is already being done and see if we can join the work there.  The Church has enough "movements."  It needs obedient laborers who are not concerned with the glamour of beginning a new ministry but are dedicated to slaving in the work that is already being done.

If God has prepared these works in advance for us to do, He will lead us to them.  This is the reverse mentality of the Kingdom.  "God, I am so passionate, I am burning alive here!  What do I do?"  Nothing.  We submit ourselves to the authority of God and ask Him to lead us where to go.  And when He does reveal this to us in prayer, through friends, a church service, or however He reveals things to our hearts, we take action.

My last caveat here.  There are some things we do not need to pray about.  I know that sounds like a contradiction to my last post, but hear me out.  If you are praying about tithing, stop praying.  Just do it.  It is already a Biblical command.  If you are feeling compelled to stop having sex before marriage, just do it.  It is already a Biblical command.  If you are feeling that it is time to stop swearing but you are not sure when is the right time to do it, stop praying.  Just do it.  It is already a Biblical command.  If you are praying about how you should spend your money, keep praying.  God will guide you.  For your sake and the Kingdom's, please do not waste time contemplating applying commands that have already been clarified for us by the Bible.  If you're cheating on taxes, stop.  Duh.

I write this to you not because I have mastered these issues, but because I am messed up.  I am selfish and want to be the king of my own life.  I pray that God would help me not be the king.  And then I try to be the king again.  It is a process, friends.  Do not be discouraged, but in all things ask God to help you honor Him.

So there's no story here.  I guess I cannot end this post with my typical "true story" line.  Eh.  I'll get over it.

Healthy helplessness

lucab18.wordpress.com

After a restless sleep of nightmares, tossing and turning, waking up to check my telephone for messages or missed phone calls, I felt entirely broken this morning.  I showered on the verge of tears, asking God to remove the oppressive anxiety I was feeling.  I asked Him for forgiveness for failing to bow before Him in prayer before I went to sleep last night.  My prayers provided no relief, my heart began to beat even more quickly and my legs grew increasingly weak.  "Am I having an anxiety attack?" I wondered.  "Why am I having such an intense sensation of fear this morning?"

As I continued to pray, I remembered the days of depression and anxiety that fill my past.  Each morning I would wake up, crying out to God for relief of the hurt and the fear that possessed my heart.  Though I am thankful that I do not wake up feeling such an intense desperation for rescue, I realized today that I prayed without ceasing when I was afflicted.  When the Lord removed my affliction, my prayers gradually turned from intimately urgent cries for help to passive recognition that God exists in my daily endeavors towards productivity and avoidance of suffering.

As I brushed my teeth, I recalled the letter to the Ephesian Church in the Book of Revelation where the Lord informed the church that it had forgotten its first love (Rev. 2:4).  My flesh reacted to this defensively.  "I pray every single day, I study God's word, I minister to other people continually and I look to advance God's kingdom on earth.  Don't be so legalistic."  Yet my spirit knew it was true.  I think of the song "Breathe," where the chorus reads, "And I, I'm desperate for you."  I can admit this morning that I have lost some of my desperation for Jesus.  I have enjoyed His presence in my life, but I am not desperate for Him like I am in times of trouble and despair.

I think of the song "Beautiful" with the lyrics, "I need you like the rain."  Americans do not necessarily understand the need for rain because if it does not rain we can produce it with hoses and advanced technology.  Yet in places throughout the world, the rain is needed to provide relief from the heat, to provide drinking water and to nurture crops.  The truth is that I do not need God like the rain; I appreciate Him like an African rainstorm soundtrack that can help me relax after a long day at work.  Though my spirit thirsts for the presence of the Holy Spirit, I often regard Him as my morning cup of coffee before a hard day's work.

I can no longer allow this lack of desperation to exist in my life.  I cannot make it through a single day without the touch of God's hand and His generous application of love and mercy.  I cannot simply just want God, I need God to survive.  I find that the Church often regards God as a loving and distant Father.  Yet if we minimize His role in our lives, we deny the power and rule that is His by virtue of His nature.  There is no thing too trivial to pray over, no activity or event that does not require the divine intervention of the Creator.  A lack of desperation for the Lord is the worship of self.  The absence of prayer is the presence of idolatry and self suffiency is the rape of God's sovereignty and provision.

Take this time to speak to the Lord.  Ask Him for forgiveness for thinking you are the god of your life, for believing that you can be self sufficient.  Ask the Holy Spirit to overcome you with His presence and love.  Ask God to begin the healing process and to expose the parts of your heart that resist God's sovereign authority over your life.  The entire world and all of the demonic will fight to ensure that this does not happen.  I have prayed that the Holy Spirit will touch your heart so deeply that you feel you cannot move on throughout the day without recognizing your personal desperation for God.

Criminals, anger and Christians

anger-issues.org

I routinely work with criminal offenders, teaching them anger management skills.  Many criminal offenders often feel offended and disrespected by others, typically due to an inaccurately grandiose perception of oneself.  When wronged in any way, many criminals feel compelled to react angrily because the opposing party has invited an assault or malicious act upon him or her by supposedly disrespecting the offender.  In essence, the criminal absolves himself of any responsibility for his angry and violent reactions by projecting the blame onto the “disrespecting” party.  “If she didn’t do this, I wouldn’t have done that,” is often the metacognitive process. 

Teaching criminal offenders to accept responsibility for their actions is not as effective as one might think.  Our initial desire is to humble the criminal to accept that he or she is responsible for his or her actions.  If one is able to achieve this acceptance of responsibility, nothing has truly been accomplished.  In fact, the offender now recognizes that angry outbursts are his modus operandi.  Rather than shifting blame, he can proudly state that his vengeful efforts are the just punishment for wronging him.  Criminal thinking is its own brand of sin and sociopathy that requires specific and targeted interventions to push an offender towards prosocial living.

Rather than teach responsibility acceptance, we teach the concept of anger as a secondary emotion.  Anger in itself is not an evil thing; even God becomes angry and can operate out of His wrath.  Rather, we teach our clients that anger is a sign that a deeper emotion or experience is at work.  Anger can be a sign of hurt – I have been wronged, I feel slighted and unappreciated.  It can be a sign of disappointment – she told me she would do this, she did not do this and I am disappointed.  Anger can be a sign of jealousy and insecurity – she looked at him this way, she does not look at me that way anymore so anger settled in.  Anger can also indicate vulnerability and fear – when he stared me down at the bar, I felt threatened and did not know how else to react.  When criminals can identify the genuine emotional experience they are enduring, they can learn new ways to react to these emotions.  Because anger is a masculine response and these more deeply rooted emotions are not, anger has become acceptable in criminal environments.  Fear of abandonment is not.  I have the unique position of hearing these offenders communicate their fears and concerns or at least become aware that they exist.

Let me extrapolate the idea of anger as a secondary emotion to Christian living.  The Lord is clear when He instructs us to not let the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26).  He tells us not to sin in our wrath and to not allow this wrath to find its home in our hearts before we rest for the night.  The consequences can be deadly; shortly thereafter, He reminds us not to give the enemy a foothold.  When we allow anger to dwell within our hearts and fail to identify the reason for our anger, we permit a level of deception to exist in our lives.  This deception can be fatal if not properly addressed.  If we continue to bury our emotions in the depths of our heart, we will be unable to discover and identify them as time continues on.  The Lord is faithful to expose our wounds to us, but the process of healing from hurts from the past is lengthy and incredibly painful.

God instructs us to resolve the roots of our anger within twenty-four hours.  He knows what happens to our hearts if we do not.  When you find that you are becoming angry, ask God to help you identify the primary emotion causing the anger.  Once identified, do all you can to be at peace with the person or issue causing your emotional response (Romans 12:8).  As Paul says, “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification” (Romans 14:19).  We live in a world raging war against Christ and His disciples.  We cannot give the enemy a foothold by allowing anger to become a defense mechanism from experiencing our true emotions and actively working for peace with others.  If your efforts to make peace fail, do not be discouraged.  Jesus says to love Him is to obey Him (John 14:5).  You can rest in knowing that God honors those who honor Him (1 Sam. 2:30).  The key is to be honest with God, yourself, and others. 

Anger is a powerful emotion.  If we fail to identify the roots of that anger, we fail to experience the genuine emotions that would spur us to such an intense reaction.  True story. 

I'll have a Jesus pizza, please

http://mypizzabrothers.com/

The Lord has called His children to honor Him in all facets of their lives. Our spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical health can blend together into a pleasant aroma of surrender and sacrifice. However, if we focus on one area of wellbeing and ignore the others then we will live an unbalanced life. No one can claim to be well because they are in good physical shape if they are destined for the gates of hell. No one can state they have peace in their hearts when they have familiarized themselves with a variety of philosophies but have ignored their heart in the process. God created us to surrender all facets of our lives to His perfection so He may lead us into balanced, healthy and holistic living.

God has been instructing me to honor Him by eating healthfully for years. I have ignored this call for as long as possible, but in the past five months I have done my best to be obedient. Because of God’s mercy and the support of those that He has placed in my life, I have been allowed much success in honoring God with my body. However this past weekend, I indulged in foods that I should not. I found myself at the throne of the almighty pizza, making sacrifices to the demigod of the delivery man and enjoying the communion of dough, cheese, and sauce. And after I spent quite some time in Italian food worship, I felt the fullness of digestive trouble and stomach expansion. Those are the fruits of the pizza spirit. And when I woke up the next morning, I experienced the very serious conviction of a man who willfully disobeyed God in an area where he has been called to obey.

There is a certain feeling that Christians experience when they willingly sin and disobey the Lord. Though the immediate gratification of sin delays this sensation, the deeply seated grief and conviction that comes as a consequence of disobedience can be intense. Regardless of our sin of choice, if we are in genuine community with the Holy Spirit He will ensure to remind us that He cannot be present with us if we choose to obey Satan. Evil cannot stand to be in the presence of righteousness, just as darkness cannot also be concurrently present with light. The Holy Spirit’s radiance will cast away the darkness, but if we invite darkness we have therefore rejected His light.

The conviction we experience after sinning is designed to bring us to repentance. God does not use this feeling to beat us up, but rather to restore us to His love and kindness. There is no place that God’s loving kindness cannot reach, but He disciplines those He loves with deep conviction until we can no longer endure prodigality.

I love this about God. He is persistent and consistent. He seeks after the one sheep who left the remaining 99 and does not rest until it is found. Sometimes He will stop pursuit and allow us to experience the wretchedness and destruction of our sin. He will allow us to hurt and suffer so we can recognize that His commands to obedience are not to feed His own ego but to provide the best for His children. Conviction is a blessing from the Lord. When I sin and feel convicted, I rejoice in knowing that the Holy Spirit loves me enough to discipline me to restore me to peace.

Most recently I have prayed that I could feel this conviction at all times, regardless of the presence of sin. I prayed that I could be so filled with the Holy Spirit that I would experience conviction before I commit an evil act. The thought of disobedience ought to be enough to lead me to repentance, not the actual act of wrongdoing. I wonder if this "preventative" conviction was the type of conviction with which Jesus walked. I imagine that Jesus was so consumed by His Father’s business that even the notion of disobedience caused him nausea. This type of conviction would compel us to be consistently reliant upon God’s grace and to flee from the thought of self sufficiency.

We can take time to examine our hearts. What areas of our wellbeing do we focus on more than others? What facets of our lives need the most development? What sin do we choose to commit more than others? How do we find ourselves responding to this disobedience? What feelings do we experience when we do something we ought not to do?

When we take time to identify the areas where we are disobedient, then we can examine the responses our hearts have to this disobedience. If we find ourselves convicted, we can make the necessary adjustments to increase our ability to obey Jesus. We can also ask God to change our hearts to desire Him more than evil. We can ask Him to share His heart with us so we can inherit a heart that hates evil and rejoices in righteousness.

Some of us may make some serious changes, like ending a relationship or changing jobs. Others may make seemingly smaller yet equally as significant changes, like not ordering pizza or keeping a cleaner house. Wherever you are called to go and whatever you are called to do, Jesus is there to show you how His love is much more satisfying than worshipping at the altar of the pizza delivery man. True story.

Circumcision, innards and other pleasantries

I have not written in my blog for quite an extensive amount of time because the Lord has been intensively working on my heart. There are times when the walls of a house need to be repainted and adjustments need to be made so a home is a safe structure. There are also times when the condition of the home has reached the point where professionals decide that the house ought to be demolished because the home is unsafe and unfit for healthy and happy living.

The Lord recently revealed to me that he was not going to only make adjustments to my heart, but was going to demolish the current structure and rebuild. I write this not to imply that the Lord made errors during His initial construction of my heart. Like a home is affected by the winds, rains, and conditions of its environment, my heart had been stained by the mire of the world and damaged by the storms of neglected hurts and ignored assaults. The platitudes of "Let go, let God" and "God will make a way" blanketed the severity of the injuries to my heart and mind, forcing a feigned positivity rather than a genuine reflection and appreciation of the experiences of my past and the propensities of my soul and mind. Over the past few weeks, I have welcomed Jesus’ restorative hand as He exposes truth to me. As I grow in my faith, Jesus deepens my appreciation and understanding of His comment that the truth sets us free. He not only sets us free from sin and eternal captivity in hell, but also from the rotten fruit of unintentional and fleshly living. Jesus first frees us from sin’s grip; He then frees us from ourselves and our natural inclination to reject all that is holy and to be the master of our supposed domain.

As the Lord continues to renovate my heart, the lens by which I perceive the events of daily living evolves. Suddenly seeking a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" story in each of my days seems irrelevant without a prescription to heal the illnesses of the soul. Chicken soup only helps the body when a practical means to propel growth and healing exists, such as medical treatment and rest. I am learning that each of my "True Stories" can be enhanced by practical application and Holy Spirit led instruction to find rest in His Kingship. Our heart delights in encouraging quips and accounts of superficial spirituality, but it is troubled by the truth of our own mediocrity and the evasion of spiritual circumcision. I will attempt to blend both quip and circumcision, which will most likely result in short accounts that literally and metaphorically cut at our flesh. And I will also avoid using terms like circumcision, because no one smiles when they read that word.

Thank you for your patience and allowing me time to find rest in Jesus and sometimes in my mattress. I look forward to growing with you as we seek out the truth in all matters and practically apply this truth to the innards of our hearts. And I will also avoid using the word "innards," because it too does not sound very pleasant.

I needed AAA... from Jesus

Someone recently shared with me that my most meaningful blogs are the ones where I actually share about my life.  He felt that vulnerability and honesty about my own "true stories" were much more effective than the typical "chicken soup for the soul" variety of true stories.  He said this to me nicely and with an encouraging motive.  After taking some time to think about it, I agree with him.  I think blogging about the power of true stories from little analogies here and there does not have the same effect as sharing the depths of my heart.  Still, I believe the little stories here and there are lighthearted and are easy to read in the morning when you get to work.  In my future writings, I have determined to find a balance between the enjoyment of an easy read and the complexities of my personal adventure to find God's heart and my own.

I spent time on the telephone last  night with an older Christian brother and mentor of mine named John.  We had not talked in months and it was very nice to speak with him.  I poured out my heart as he listened to my good news and my bad news, my praises and my concerns.  He simply listened until I finished and responded with empathy as well as encouragement and affirmations.  God had certainly arranged the telephone call, almost as if Jesus Himself was calling to check in.

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I paced around my front yard as we spoke, looking up at the sky here and there.  I often imagine God to live up there.  We know Jesus ascended into heaven, so I think that's why we always look up.  I picture God on this throne and He is just kind of hanging out up there, looking down, listening, sending His Holy Spirit and His angels to do things here and there.  I have been enduring the pain of a starving heart lately, longing for answers, affirmation and acceptance (the AAA of the emotional world).  I wanted Him to come down from "up there" and hang out "down here" for a while.  I could use some emergency roadside heart assistance because my emotional tire has been flat.  It felt like John was my roadside assistance from heaven.  He came to put the donut on until I could get into the shop and Jesus could fully repair it.

I encourage us all today to remember that we can be emergency roadside assistance to someone.  When the Lord places that person on your heart, reach out to him or her with a spirit of love, gentleness and humility.  There are those in our lives that God has assigned us to be roadside assistance for on a regular basis - our children, significant others, those we lead in ministry, etc.  There are two types of roadside assistance: (1.) the dispatched trucks who respond to a problem and (2.) those who patrol the highways looking for those in need of help.  We must balance both of those means of assistance in our lives, loving those who reach out to us and also being sensitive to know that pulling over to help may be the best decision.  We can do this by listening intently to the hearts of others, withholding advice and offering encouragement and prayer.  We must also be in community with Jesus so that He can dispatch us to someone who needs help or so we can notice those who are in need but are not saying anything.  John is in the habit of loving others, so responding to a call from the Holy Spirit was easy for him.  The first step is to find community with Jesus through prayer and reading His Word.  The second is to ask Him to lead us to those that we may build up, encourage and love.

All things in this world point to Jesus in one way or another.  I like to find how they do.  Roadside assistance, check.  True story.

Revolutionize LOL

The earth beats a hypnotic rhythm that lulls its habitants into a trance of dissociation from the real.   With each beat of the electronica of the world, humanity participates in a rave dance of distraction from the artist who pumps the pulse of creation.  Lost in a daze of fleshly ecstasy that neither pill nor sensation can appease, we choose to wave our metaphorical glow sticks in a performance that fades more quickly than the vapors of a morning fog.  And when the beat ceases and the sounds fade, humanity looks to its left and its right and recalls that the rave was only designed to distract us from the real.  We must all return home to our lives, our responsibilities, our fears, our unmet desires and our thirst for an unknown drink that we cannot seem to find.

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All of earth exists to lull us into mediocrity.  The enemy of our Heavenly Father plays a hypnotic tune that draws our hearts into complacency.  Elimination of the Kingdom is not the goal of the forces of darkness.  No, ineffectiveness is the target.  To destroy the Kingdom of God is a goal the enemy cannot accomplish.  He has tried this before and has failed miserably.  He now sings his lullaby of self sufficiency and dissatisfaction to believers throughout the world to distract us just enough to cause us to question the legitimacy of faith and risk.  He has taught us words like “safety” and “comfort.” He permeates our thoughts with seemingly Biblical ideas of “guarding our hearts” and “denying ourselves” in an effort to ensure that we never fulfill the calling that God places upon each of our lives.   Our spirits are paralyzed.  We have been told too often to “wait upon the Lord” and have neglected the scriptures and parables that teach us that we must prepare for the harvest before the rain arrives, that faith without action is dead.

We have turned our gaze to the strobe lights and supposedly exciting beats of the earth, which prohibit us from finding the genuine light and perfect excitement of living out the fullness of our callings.  We must end the trance, leave the earthly matrix of spiritual inefficacy and monotony.  Fullness of life is not found in achieving the status quo.  We must redefine the standards by which we judge our success and find that in the midst of comfort and pleasure that God may actually call us into a realm of uncertainty and sheer vulnerability.    We must “LOL” in a very different way than we have been doing.  We must revolutionize LOL.  We must not only be “laughing out loud,” but we must be “living out loud.”

We can drastically alter the course of our futures by murdering the idea that we must continue in the way of the generation before us, but that we can be the one who through the authority and power of a God who is living out loud to end our generational curses and say enough is enough.  We have accepted that because we are created we cannot too create.  Yet, we are made like God and in His image because we can create just like He has throughout eternity.  We can create opportunities and life change by living out loud, living out the callings that God has placed on our hearts and souls with a fearless passion that confuses even the holiest of men.

I believe we can change the world. True story.

I'm a hoarder (sorta)

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I spent time cleaning my room for a bit last night.  Over the past few days (okay, weeks) I let some clothes build up on the floor and I had some sorting to do.  I separated the clean clothes that needed to be folded from the dirty clothes that needed to be washed.  As I folded the clothes and sorted through the chaos, I began to see my floor once again.  I was a neat freak living in a messy room and that really caused me some frustrations.  Once I sorted through the clothes, I began to feel a bit more ease. Seeing what lay underneath the clothes (my floor) was nice, though it took some effort.  I vowed to myself that I would not let this happen again.  It will happen again.

God does the same thing with our hearts.  We ask Him to lead us, direct us, guide us and shape us.  We ask Him to be the center of our beings and to create within us a new heart.  Jesus, in His everlasting faithfulness to us, walks into our hearts and begins renovation.  "This is dirty, this is clean.  This needs to be folded, this needs to be donated and this simply needs to be thrown out."  I imagine when Jesus does this we turn into those people from the television show "Hoarders."  "Don't throw that out, I need that!  You can't get rid of my defensiveness, it might come in handy!  I need my 'I've been hurt too many times' excuse, please don't get rid of that.  Donate time and energy from my heart to love someone else besides myself?  Please not now!"  And yet, Jesus knows better than to listen to us.  He continues to sort, separate and clean.  

Throughout this process, despite its pains and trials, Jesus gets to the bottom of the matter and reaches the floors of our hearts.  Suddenly, we feel that peace and ease that comes with seeing the floor again.  "Ah, this is who I am.  This is how it's supposed to be."  We breathe a sigh of relief, recognizing that underneath the chaos is the fullness of life that God designed us to enjoy.  

Allow God to clean up your heart.  I struggle with this myself, struggle with the idea of God throwing away the things I think I love.  Nevertheless, I would rather endure the pain of organizing my emotional and spiritual hoarding so I can see the floor than pretend that the mess is really what I want.  True story.

P.S. - That picture is not my room and I am not an actual hoarder...possibly just a metaphorical one.

Floating through life might be easier than walking

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I went hiking by myself last week to pursue God's heart and to build my own.  I have declared that I am on a quest to discover the depths of my own heart, to excavate and demolish the rooms of my heart that may host anything but the presence of the Holy Spirit.  I am raging war against myself, finding that most sin comes from within my own flesh and heart.  I understand that is a controversial statement, but I find again and again that the our sin nature is in continuous battle with the spirit man.  This ought not to be a new a concept, considering Paul writes about these things throughout the New Testament.  Surely if the Holy Spirit now lives in my heart, there is no room for these carnal squatters who have trespassed through the hole in the fence in my heart's backyard.

One of the things that I have longed for in my life is significance.  My heart is torn between two desires, one evil and the other righteous.  I desire to perform a significant role in the Kingdom of God that I may participate in the glorious work of the ministry of reconciliation of nonbelievers to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Furthermore, I feel specifically called to motivate Christians to live a lifestyle worthy of the calling before them.  As a man who continually falls short of that lifestyle and calling, who does what he ought not to do and does not do what he ought to do, I feel continually convicted by the misdeeds of my heart and mind.  My desire for significance in the Kingdom often transforms into a desire to achieve a certain level of importance in the world.   I measure success by my finances, the letters at the end of my name (some of which are yet to be earned should I be led to pursue them), the number of readers I have, and so on.

As I have been readings the Psalms lately, I am continually reminded by God that our lifestyles are similar to vapors.  When I went hiking and reached the castle at one of the flat tops of the small mountain, I could see the clouds floating over the valley.  The clouds were hanging rather low on this day.  The bottoms of the clouds were touching the tops of the castle.  The vapors of moisture passed by my face.  I reached out my hand in a futile effort to capture them, wishing I could hold onto a cloud and perhaps float away with a little harp in my hands to travel the world shooting arrows at love-struck young people.  And though I failed at capturing the cloud the first time, I tried again and again.  As soon as the vapor arrived, it passed away.  It was so frustrating, so challenging.  I wanted to enjoy these wisps of cloud, to float away in freedom from all of the burdens of earthy life.  Yet they continually passed away.

I am like these vapors.  I arrive on earth for but a time and then I vanish away (see James 4:14).  The letters at the end of my name, my ministry, my future marriage, my career, my possessions - all of these things, like a  midst, will fade away.  Perhaps some of the fruits of the Spirit and acts of obedience to the Lord will provide someone who sits on a mountaintop with a moment of pleasure or mystification, but ultimately I am a blip of the radar of eternity.  Still, the actions that occur during this blip can effect my eternal dwelling place and the authority I have in the Kingdom of God to come.  Actions that influence my eternity and the eternity of others ought to be considered worthy of attention and effort.  I will continue to serve as a mist, valuing myself as the Lord says I ought but not more than what is righteous.  The problems of this world seem so less significant when I remember that mists do not solve problems; we float through them as we are led by Jesus.  True story.

Many are affected by spiritual ventricular fibrillation

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I recently spoke at Sanctuary, Black Rock Congregational's Sunday evening service, about taking our faith and putting into action.  As the second speaker in a summer series on James, my sermon was based James 2.  "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead" (James 2:17 NIV).  I used several different analogies to make the point that if our faith does not spur us onto action, then we ought to reexamine our faith and the motives of our hearts.  One of the illustrations that I used to make the point that faith without action is nonsense is a body with a heart that does not beat.  A body can be in perfect shape and can look really healthy, but if the heart inside the body is not beating then that body is dead.  In the same way, if we have a really nice looking faith but it is not alive and producing something, then what good is it?

So I spent some time with Jesus this morning because sometimes I feel like I am a walking cadaver.  Sometimes I feel like I am going through the motions, slowly watching my heart slip into ventricular fibrillation (VF).  Very simply, ventricular fibrillation occurs when the heart's electrical impulses have gone haywire and the heart can no longer effectively pump blood.  The heart quivers, almost as if it were having its own anxiety attack, and has become nearly useless.  Automated external defibrillators (AEDs) are used to shock the heart out of this electrifying pattern (or lack there of) into a useful rhythm, restoring its ability to pump blood.

I feel like so many of us are on our way to VF.  We are caught up in the problems of this world, lost in the adventure of protecting ourselves from others and even from God.  We have sacrificed vulnerability for security, exchanged loving sacrifice for selfish comfort, and have planned out the days our lives without once asking the Lord of the universe what He has in mind.  Or perhaps we have given up the idea that Jesus has anything in store but work, bills, and family life.  We have lost our hearts of adventure, believing that God stopped granting us the desires of our hearts a long time ago.  In fact, I would dare write that some of us look back on the days of our sin and ask, "Wasn't it easier then?"  Friend, no road that leads to hell is enjoyable or easy.  All of these things that I mention (and many more) indicate that our hearts are operating in this horrible condition of spiritual ventricular fibrillation (SVF).

In my time with Christ this morning, I asked Him to restore my heart.  I asked Him to make me the man He designed me to be.  I told Him that I am on a quest to find my heart and to discover the valiant warrior He has placed inside of it.  In this brief conversation with Him, the image of a human heart flashed across my mind.  The heart was in ventricular fibrillation and there were two hands adjusting the "wires" of the heart.  When the hands were done with their work, the heart was shocked, nearly jumping out of its place, and then the image disappeared from my mind.  I felt peace, knowing that Jesus is shocking my heart back into a rhythm that pumps His mercy, love, forgiveness, grace and compassion into me and in turn, the world.

He starts with out hearts.  We must lay the on operating table of the Lord and allow Him to shock our hearts into their original rhythm so we may enjoy the circulation of peace, love and mercy.  We ought to take the medication of God's word and worship, participate in the exercise of fellowship and Godly accountability, and remember that we do not live on bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.  True story.

Goodness gracious, I caught on fire.

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Despite my sin and the error of my ways, the Lord has been making the presence of His Holy Spirit known during worship for me.  I have been asking God to push my faith to the next level, to draw me closer to Himself and to increase my spiritual gifting.  Of course, He answers these prayers but the spiritual forces of darkness exist to destroy our hearts to prevent us from practicing these gifts or living in obedience to the King.  I have seen this battle intensify in my life more recently.  With each failure and victory, I thank the Lord for His mercy and grace, answering prayers that teach me how to be a better man.

We sang "Fire, Fall Down" during worship on Sunday evening.  I have always prayed that the Holy Spirit would unleash fire from heaven and consume His people with an overwhelming passion for His glory.  I believed that fire would cause revival and renewal, that this fire would encourage us to live life with boundless faith.  As I prayed that God's fire would fall down, the Lord presented to my heart what fire falling from heaven would actually mean for me.  He presented the image of me being alone in a room with all the people and things that I value.  The room was so crowded, filled with people and things that I have used to fill space in my heart. In fact, I could not really see beyond what was next to me.  Suddenly, everything was gone and the room was on fire, beams from the top of the ceiling falling.  In the front of the room was a man, clothed all in white and surrounded by bright light.  He walked towards me and then stopped, looking at me as if He were gazing into my heart.  All of this took about fifteen seconds and it was suddenly over.

Fire had consumed everything that stood in the way of me seeing Jesus.  Fire destroyed all things in my heart that shared a room with Christ, that tried to rent a room when it was already occupied by the Holy Spirit.  I could almost sense a challenge.  "Do you really want My fire to fall down?"  I did not have much of a response, but to remain quiet and worship Him.  The fire wasn't going to be sent to get people emotionally excited about worship.  If fire fell down, it would consume every Tower of Babel that we have built in our lives.  I remembered that God is a God of wrath and that He mollifies His own wrath with His love for us.  Moments like those remind me of Jesus' sacrifice and its significance in our standing before God.  I wonder if we really want His fire to fall or if we just like the intensity of the lyrics.

I do not write this because I think Jesus wants to destroy everything in our lives, but to have everything in our lives utilized to give Him glory.  Jesus is to be the center of our existence and the reason that we live.  Through Him, all things were made.  And when we seek Him first, all things are added onto us.  There is reason why the entire universe revolves around the sun and that the sun is a bright ball of fire.  If we do not revolve around the Son, then all might be consumed by his fire.  True story.

All the single ladies, if you like it then get prepared to fight for it.

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So I was sitting in the movie theater, watching the movie previews.  I love movie previews.  They are like a cocktail party - no real entree, just lots of appetizers.  A preview for the movie entitled "Warrior" played and I was super excited about this movie.  I love watching movies where men are living in a state of physical and emotional mediocrity when they experience a sudden motivation to pursue a dream or a vision that requires them to participate in intense training.  There is something about this story line that causes men's hearts to jump.  I do not think most men understand that the reason their hearts jump is because God created them to be "Wild at Heart" (thanks, John).  Men are designed to fight for those they love and the visions and dreams placed upon their hearts.  Most of society does not recognize this truth because spiritual forces of darkness have done all they can to eliminate this part of a man's heart.  Very few stand strongly to endure the "training" the Lord has prepared in advance for them so they can walk in the glory that God has planned.

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While watching this preview, I noticed something that I had not noticed when watching similar movies and previews in the past.  I noticed the role of the women in the film.  Two brothers are in a cage, prepared to begin a mixed martial arts fights, and their girlfriends or wives are sitting in the audience cheering them on.  The women were seemingly excited for their (presumed) husbands, deeply invested and involved in their vision, their dream, their battle, their story.  Great men who take center stage to fight for themselves or for others often have an even greater woman behind them.  I think of ministers and servants that I have met over the years and how they have shared that their wives and girlfriends are a great source of inspiration and encouragement to them.  I have seen this in my own life.  I do not think that I would have the success that I have been having with my physical health had I not been pushed by Lauren.

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I remembered that God created Eve to be Adam's "ezer kenegdo."  This is often translated as helpmate or help meet, but this translation has the implication that Eve (and therefore all women) is supposed to be helping the man with his house projects and making all of his meals.  I am not too sure that is what God had in mind.  From my limited understanding of the Hebrew, ezer or azar is better defined as protector, aid, help and support.  It is usually used in context to describe military assistance or even help from the Lord Himself.  Kenegdo is a preposition meaning "face to face" or "corresponding to."  Combining the two terms suggests that the wives are created to be sources of strength, protection, help and support who are equally as significant and important as their husbands.  Notice the Satan talks to Eve before he talks to Adam, not necessarily because Eve is the "weaker sex," but because she is the source of Adam's strength.  Women are on the front-lines for their marriages because Satan knows to eliminate the very person who refreshes the heart of a man, who spurs him into battle.

Whenever I write about the roles of men and women in marriage and relationships, I usually get a bunch of hate mail.  "Stephen, you're not married, what do you know?"  "Come on, you know that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands" (read the rest of the verses, men).  "I refuse to submit to my husband, I've got dreams of my own" (pride, much?)  The bigger the reaction and the greater the amount of defensiveness, the more God confirms for me that I have pierced to a sensitive area that needs to be addressed.

It amazes me how Jesus speaks through silly things like movie previews.  Women, be encouraged.  Each of you are so vital and so necessary for God's glory to be demonstrated on earth.  Cheer for your men as they fight for their own hearts, the hearts of others, for their families and for their relationships.  Men, honor and love your girlfriends and wives as Christ loves the Church.  If women honor their men and men honor their women, no one feels unloved or hurt.  Everyone's needs are met.  Leave the forbidden fruit of self interest in your past and enjoy the remainder of the garden.  I promise total and complete amazement.  True story.

I eat happy meals in the valley of dry bones

sdrc.lib.uiowa.edu

Last night I decided that I needed to be unavailable to the world so I could spend time with God.  Sounds so holy and righteous, but I did it because I have been neglecting God lately.  I have been offering Him prayers and worship on my commute and in between meetings.  And while I am sure that He is pleased to hear from me during those times, my spirit can only run on empty for so long.  After a stressful couple of days, I knew that God and I needed some time together.

I sat with Jesus and we talked for a while, but nothing really seemed to go according to plan.  I always imagine that I am going to go before God, He is going to speak something powerful to my heart and I will walk away and  implement the new instruction or principle.  My drive thru version of God was not satisfied last night.  I did not get to wait in line, place my order, receive my order and carry on with my day.  I think Jesus finally closed my personal drive thru.  I think He wants me to go inside to the restaurant to speak to the manager.  Last night I was able to speak to the Manager and it was wonderful.  He didn't say much back when I asked for better menu options, but He listened and provided me with a deep level of peace.  And then He put me to sleep.  (Perhaps that's God's version of saying, "Okay, okay, be quiet" and poof, I fall asleep.)

I wonder what happens in our hearts when He does this.  Last time I read about this happening, Adam woke up with a wife.  Now I am not suggesting that I expect God to have me married by the end of the week.  Besides, I have not had enough time to send invitations.  I will wait patiently (or not so patiently at times) upon  God to see what it is He has for my heart and for His glory.  I know that if we delight in the Lord, He grants us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4).  I have referenced that Scripture quite frequently lately, but I am clinging to its promise.  That promise from God has become my source of inspiration to continue through the valley of dry bones.

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The valley of dry bones.  I actually do not know that Bible story too well.  Perhaps I'll reread that today and God will use it to speak to my heart.  Sometimes, I expect that by this time in my life and ministry that I would have all the Bible knowledge in my mind and my life would finally come together in "pastoral perfection."  Do you know what I mean by that?  I think most of us think that pastors, worship leaders, speakers, writers, and other leaders always hold life together in perfection and have this super duper connection with Jesus that we do not.  Shoot.  Sometimes I am amazed that Jesus still wants to chat with me or use me for anything, especially when I treat Him like my own personal McDonald's and I get upset when my Happy Meal does not come with a toy.

I think God has brought me to the point in my faith where toys from children's meals no longer satisfy me.  To be less metaphorical and black-rimmed glasses, I mean that God is showing me that quick fixes and fleeting happy moments in my highly caloric diet of self are no longer acceptable.  I would rather eat the food that comes without a toy but nourishes my heart.  And to be literal again, I mean that I would rather encounter and swallow truth that will grow my faith than live from mountain top experience to mountain top experience.  I desire that we would all surrender everything to Jesus and revere Him for being the perfect Manager.  I dream that we would all step out of the drive thru and that we would dine with the Manager, learning all we can learn from Him.  Imagine if Christians stopped asking for quick fixes and went to the heart of the problem with an assertive passion for peace in our hearts and lives.  Happy Meal toys are really cute and all, but they only distract us from the fact that we are about to consume filth for food.  True story.

Christians should fight more

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I was at the gym yesterday, listening to a sermon by Mark Driscoll as I was doing my cardio. Mark was preaching about fighting for the glory of God in our relationships. I thought that to be an interesting topic, considering that so much of the Church is not participating in the fight but watching those Christians who do as if it were a Pay-Per-View event. Mark taught that Christians who feel wronged ought to confront the person who wrongs them and to forgive, while those who are wrongdoers ought to repent and confess their sin to God and to the person they have wronged. Furthermore, he taught that forgiveness is not overlooking or denying the existence of wrongdoing, but choosing not to hold resentment, bitterness, and malice towards one another. It is the Christian’s privilege to forgive, to release a person from personal judgment and shame, but also to maintain Godly accountability. The sermon caught my attention and it was enough to get me through my weight lifting as well.

Fighting for the glory of God in our relationships – how many of us are willing to do that? Working in the non-profit community mental heath sector, I see my co-workers fight for a crime free society by addressing social issues and needs (pretty lofty of a goal without introducing Jesus as the solution). I hear of politicians fighting over balanced (or very imbalanced) budgets. I see people in the gym fighting to lose weight, I see clients fighting to remain drug free and I see the unemployed fighting to find jobs. We all have our fights – to pay our bills, take care of our children, find personal time, etc. For a society that is so experienced in fighting to advance, the divorce rate skyrockets and the family unit is slowly coming undone in the United States. Personal accountability is absent and our relational intimacy as a Church is at an all time low. We are all fighting for ourselves, but are we fighting for the glory of God in our relationships?

"Fighting for the glory of God" is very Christianese. It sounds really holy, really righteous, but what does it even mean?* Maybe that is why we are not good at fighting for the glory of God. We have no clue what it means to do that. I am certainly no expert in Jesus style karate. However, as a society we know what it means to fight for something. We give something our fullest effort, placing our strongest and best foot forward. We work hard, deny ourselves and learn all we can on how to be the most proficient and efficient at the task at hand.

Perhaps fighting for the God’s glory occurs when we place the same intensity and effort into Biblical commands, specifically regarding how we interact with one another. There are commands to love another (John 13:34), to do nothing with oneself in mind but to count other’s needs as more pertinent than our own (Phil. 2:3), and to respect and honor each other the same exact way we would like to be respected and honored (Matthew 7:12). This is the way that Jesus treats us. We love Him and honor Him and give Him thanks because He consistently loves us, working all things together for our good (Romans 8:28), caring about the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). And we strive to be like Jesus, to be Christlike in our behavior and interactions.

I am learning how to fight for those I love. I do not pretend to have this stuff down or to be the best at doing these things. I struggle with balancing my own personal needs and boundaries with loving others selflessly. Still, I am encouraged by the vision of relational intimacy between believers that can foster an environment of vulnerability and passion. I imagine a Church where there is no gossip or backbiting, no lying or manipulating, filled with absolute transparency and genuine unity. I imagine marriages consumed with glory for God, overwhelmed with undying love in the most selfless of commitments to lifetime intimacy. I imagine a Church, consumed with purpose as it sharpens each member’s swords as iron sharpens iron. We can live out this dream. True story.

*Mark Driscoll’s sermon "How to Fight for the Glory of God" is rather relevant and may be worth checking out.

Beauty for cigarette ashes

It has been too long since my last blog entry.  During the past few weeks, I have experienced some rather challenging trials and temptations and by the grace of God I stand.  The Lord has led me out of Connecticut for the weekend.  And in the past 24 hours, the Lord has been showing pieces of His character to me in typical "True Story" fashion.

I recall one of my first blog entries entitled, "Lord, give me a Lincoln."  Similar to my friend Drew's experience, Jesus gave me a Jacuzzi and king-sized bed.  I was sitting in my hotel room when a faint smell of cigarette smoke  permeated my room.  Suddenly, the smell was intense and I was coughing.  While at one point in my life I embraced the smell of cigarettes, now it flares up my asthma and irritates my allergies pretty severely.  Concerned for my health and my voice (if I can't sing or speak, I'm kind of in a load of trouble), I contacted the hotel front desk.  The woman told she would be right up, but never came.  I was tempted to become angry, but God granted me strength to see this as an opportunity to allow Him to work.  I prayed that He would grant me peace and that He would protect my health.

After waiting for about 25 minutes, I went back downstairs to the front desk and waited until a staff member came up with me.  I learned a while ago that if I want people to move quickly, hang around and stare at them so that the person wants me to go away.  I have never really seen this plan fail, but it does annoy the garbage out of customer service associates.  After about five minutes of staring and pacing, a gentlemen came up to my room and sprayed some smoke eliminator spray in the room.  Not quite the solution I was expecting, but I thought we would give it a try.  During this time, I learned that if one mixes airborne chemical solutions with cigarette smoke, asthma likes that even less.  Now I was breathing in flavored secondhand smoke.  And while hookah is quite the passing fancy, I planned to have both lungs fully functioning in the morning.  I hate to make a fuss, but Lauren reminded me that I paid full price for my non-smoking room so I should get full service.  (Thanks, Lauren.)

I went down to the front desk, asked for a room change and the staff did so without an issue.  I was given a room two floors away, where the air quality was a bit better and not tinged with the smell of Marlboro Floral Lights.  I walked into the room to find a king sized bed, a Jacuzzi and my own little suite with marble counter tops (well, maybe not real marble but it looks fancy).  I had received an upgrade of sorts, a promotion to a better resting place.  I laughed (and coughed) when I entered my new room.  The more I learn about God's sense of humor and character, the more I trust Him.  Of course He would give me my own suite.  He loves me.

I find this all to be ironic.  When I was originally making reservations, I nearly paid significantly more for a luxury suite to "treat myself."  I thought, "Gee, I sure do deserve a break for all the hard work I do."  Dave Ramsey's voice echoed in my mind that I need to live like no one else is living now so I can live like no one else is living later.  So I reserved the standard full sized bed at a Holiday Inn Express, though with a bit of hesitation.  And in the end of it all, Jesus granted me the desires of my heart.

Psalm 37:4 tells us to delight in the Lord and He will give us the desires of our hearts.  My problem is that when I read that verse, I want it without adversity, trial or battle.  Yet we cannot have a victory if there is not a battle.  There can only be a victory if defeat was once a possibility.   Endure some cigarette smoke and some industrial Febreeze in our lives and we will see what God gives us.  Paul was not lying when he wrote that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).  He really does exchange His beauty for our ashes.  True story.

Watch out, he's in pieces on the floor.

My personal goal for blogging is that I would be able to post every day, at least Monday through Friday.  I rarely meet that goal and today is one of the days that I would prefer not to blog.  It's ironic to me that I wrote about m&m's yesterday, using them as a metaphor for the hardening of the human heart.  I find it more tempting as time goes on to harden my heart too.  It is so much easier to do that than it is to remain vulnerable, responsive and tender.  I think of the "parable of the yelping dog" post from two days ago.  I wonder how yelping dogs cannot harden their hearts when they feel as if they are continually cast aside.  I do not write my blogs to be overly positive and unrealistic.  It is awful in this world, it is full of so much emotional and spiritual distress.  How do yelping dogs survive and not become m&m's?  Better yet, how does God handle yelping dogs who have become m&m's?  The illustration of the ice bag may apply.

There was a man who went to the store to purchase a bag of ice.  Upon arriving at the store, he searched the store for the freezer that stored all the bags of ice.  After searching for some time, the man found the ice bags but noticed that all the bags were frozen solid.  No bag had been broken up so that the ice was useful for cooling drinks or storing food.  The man found the bag that appeared to be the most prepared to be broken up.  The man took the bag, lifted it up to his chest and dropped the bag on the floor.  The ice broke into cube shaped pieces, perfect for their intended purpose.  The man purchased the bag and the ice was then put to good use.

So many of our hearts are just one block of ice.  We have stayed in the freezer so long that the parts of our hearts designed to be used for a specific purpose have formed together into a hardened block of cold.  I feel like God is the business of breaking up that ice into pieces that can be put to work.  He searches for the heart that will respond to this brokenness.  When God takes us up to His chest, we feel so intimately close to Him and we rejoice over His blessings.  And God drops us on the ground of brokenness, of hurt and pain, of fear and abandonment.  We cry out as our hardened core lays in pieces in this bag of a body.  While we feel that God has forsaken us, He cries as He watches our pain and says, "If you only knew what this will do for you.  I am preparing you to be put to use."  

victorystore.com

Though this parable reflects a deep spiritual truth, I feel that it does not mollify the pain of being broken.  I think that is one of the reasons why God gives us community, so we can break into pieces into the arms of those who love us.  So many believers see the ice bag drop and even break.  They run to grab a "Caution" sign so others do not slip and hope the situation will resolve itself.  As members of the Christian community, we have a responsibility to our brothers and sisters to participate in the brokenness process.  We are to treat others as we desire to be treated.  How would we like to be treated if we were the bag of ice on the ground?  "I'd just want to be left alone, let me figure it out."  I am not so sure that is the truth.  I am not so sure broken ice bags can figure out anything by themselves, actually.  In some circumstances, without our knowing, we may even be the person that God uses to lift the ice and drop it on the floor.  Furthermore, we have a responsibility to involve ourselves in ice block formation prevention (sounds so public safety-like, doesn't it?).  By sharing our hearts with others, by not being an m&m, by stepping out of the position of the ambivalent observer, we can help others remain responsive and tender as well.

I am not sure if I really answered the questions that I asked in the first paragraph of today's post.  I am still working through these things in my own heart.  I am fighting to remain tender and responsive, doing all I know how to not be an m&m.  Sometimes I just want to take out a pen and write a big "M" on my stomach.  Take that world!  And then I remember that the only person "taking that" is me.  If something causes us to want to label our bellies like chocolate candies, something is certainly wrong (and we might want to consult psychological help at that point).  In all seriousness, whatever causes us to want to put a shell around our hearts needs some serious attention.

God will break up the ice blocks in his flock.  "I'm not an ice block!  This doesn't apply to me."  Oh my friend, it may apply to you the most.  True story.