Floating through life might be easier than walking

teachers.greenville.k12.sc.us

I went hiking by myself last week to pursue God's heart and to build my own.  I have declared that I am on a quest to discover the depths of my own heart, to excavate and demolish the rooms of my heart that may host anything but the presence of the Holy Spirit.  I am raging war against myself, finding that most sin comes from within my own flesh and heart.  I understand that is a controversial statement, but I find again and again that the our sin nature is in continuous battle with the spirit man.  This ought not to be a new a concept, considering Paul writes about these things throughout the New Testament.  Surely if the Holy Spirit now lives in my heart, there is no room for these carnal squatters who have trespassed through the hole in the fence in my heart's backyard.

One of the things that I have longed for in my life is significance.  My heart is torn between two desires, one evil and the other righteous.  I desire to perform a significant role in the Kingdom of God that I may participate in the glorious work of the ministry of reconciliation of nonbelievers to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Furthermore, I feel specifically called to motivate Christians to live a lifestyle worthy of the calling before them.  As a man who continually falls short of that lifestyle and calling, who does what he ought not to do and does not do what he ought to do, I feel continually convicted by the misdeeds of my heart and mind.  My desire for significance in the Kingdom often transforms into a desire to achieve a certain level of importance in the world.   I measure success by my finances, the letters at the end of my name (some of which are yet to be earned should I be led to pursue them), the number of readers I have, and so on.

As I have been readings the Psalms lately, I am continually reminded by God that our lifestyles are similar to vapors.  When I went hiking and reached the castle at one of the flat tops of the small mountain, I could see the clouds floating over the valley.  The clouds were hanging rather low on this day.  The bottoms of the clouds were touching the tops of the castle.  The vapors of moisture passed by my face.  I reached out my hand in a futile effort to capture them, wishing I could hold onto a cloud and perhaps float away with a little harp in my hands to travel the world shooting arrows at love-struck young people.  And though I failed at capturing the cloud the first time, I tried again and again.  As soon as the vapor arrived, it passed away.  It was so frustrating, so challenging.  I wanted to enjoy these wisps of cloud, to float away in freedom from all of the burdens of earthy life.  Yet they continually passed away.

I am like these vapors.  I arrive on earth for but a time and then I vanish away (see James 4:14).  The letters at the end of my name, my ministry, my future marriage, my career, my possessions - all of these things, like a  midst, will fade away.  Perhaps some of the fruits of the Spirit and acts of obedience to the Lord will provide someone who sits on a mountaintop with a moment of pleasure or mystification, but ultimately I am a blip of the radar of eternity.  Still, the actions that occur during this blip can effect my eternal dwelling place and the authority I have in the Kingdom of God to come.  Actions that influence my eternity and the eternity of others ought to be considered worthy of attention and effort.  I will continue to serve as a mist, valuing myself as the Lord says I ought but not more than what is righteous.  The problems of this world seem so less significant when I remember that mists do not solve problems; we float through them as we are led by Jesus.  True story.