Jesus makes me nauseous

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During my private study with God, I have been reading Revelation.  I have never read the Book of Revelation in its entirety and have only familiarized myself with the material that pastors use in sermons to make interesting points.  I am trying not to be a superficial Bible reader so now I am really reading the book all the way through.

In Revelation 11, John is in the presence of a "mighty angel" (Rev. 11:1) who speaks with the voice of the "seven thunders" (Rev. 11:3).  When John went to write down the words of the angel who possessed a "little scroll," he was instructed by the Lord not do so.  John was not allowed to write the words of the angel, leaving the contents of the little scroll unknown to all mankind but John.  I wonder what words were spoken by the angel.  I ponder their power and their influence on humanity, but I recognize that God intentionally allowed the words of the little scroll and the angel to be a mystery to us.

As a truth seeker who desires to know the truth behind all things, this is a bit frustrating for me.  Why must there be secrets?  Yet, I recognize that Jesus Christ is truth personified and that He does not lie.  He is not passive, He assertively tells us there are some things for us to know and some things that we are not to know.  It was Satan who used God's sovereign and hidden knowledge to manipulate Adam and Eve.  He accuses God of keeping secrets from us so we will not be equal to Him.  Satan's own insecurity and pride is projected onto all of us causing us to be upset about the things that we do not know rather being thankfully content for the things we do know.

John is commanded to go to the angel and take the little scroll from him.  The angel informs John that he must eat the scroll.  The angel states that the scroll will initially taste like honey, but it will "sour" John's stomach (v. 9).  As the angel said, the scroll tasted as sweet as honey in his mouth but terribly upset his stomach (v. 10).  John was then told that he must prophesy again about many peoples, nations, languages and kinds (v. 11).  The same thing occurred with Ezekiel, when he was told to eat a scroll filled with judgments that caused his stomach to turn sour despite its sweetness in his mouth (Ezekiel 3).  I wonder if lactose intolerance was birthed at this moment.  Sweet in the mouth, awful in the stomach.

If we were to extrapolate this concept of sweetness in the mouth but sour in the stomach, I think we may find that the Lord has been doing the same things in our lives today.  There are specific issues and teachings that cause us to rejoice when we first hear of them, but they cause us deep unrest.  We may initially be excited about an international missions trip, but then find ourselves so convicted about what we have learned that it nearly makes us sick.  We may feel elated to disciple and mentor inner city children at the local public school, but then feel sick when we understand the conditions of the inner city neighborhoods.  The Lord will often turn our stomachs with conviction.  We feel so entirely moved about a certain cause or passion that we now feel compelled to act in an expression of God's love and justice.  We desire to be agents of shalom, representatives of the healing wholeness and rest that Jesus offers the world.

I cannot write on this topic very well because we do not know the contents of the scroll, but we know that after feeling incredibly nauseous John is instructed to prophesy.  The Holy Spirit may have done something similar in your life.  What makes you feel so nauseous and convicted that you feel you must act?  What passions has He given you?  Did you feel so burdened about the living conditions of the inner city that you must tell others?  Are you so passionate about sexual purity that you feel compelled to redefine the boundaries of your relationship?  Do you feel intense concern for victims of abuse and recognize that it is time for you to take personal action?  Does Jesus makes you feel nauseous about something?

This can be incredibly frustrating to meditate upon.  I am entirely nauseous about fatherhood and the lack of loving and supportive fathers.  Yet, I am not a dad.  What do I do?  Where do I turn?  So often the church does something silly like start a new fatherhood ministry that tells dads what they need to do to be good dads.  And when the super dad who runs the program has an affair and beats his son, the ministry falls apart and everyone goes back to their regular lives feeling defeated.  I would be wrong to encourage you to explore your passion and tell you to take action.  I struggle with the believers of the justice movement in the Church because they often say that we must take action if we feel passionate about something.  This leads to disorganized movements of young people trying to solve a problem or address a social concern without the guidance of mature believers, spiritual authority and most of all, the Holy Spirit.  I believe that God wants us to take action, but I also believe that hasty and unprotected action is equally if not more harmful than inaction. The Lord desires passion, but He desires obedience even more.

So what do you do next?  I do not know.  I do know that we need to pray, fast, read the Word and ask the Lord where to go, where to turn.  We can ask God to provide pastoral covering.  We can ask God where the work is already being done and see if we can join the work there.  The Church has enough "movements."  It needs obedient laborers who are not concerned with the glamour of beginning a new ministry but are dedicated to slaving in the work that is already being done.

If God has prepared these works in advance for us to do, He will lead us to them.  This is the reverse mentality of the Kingdom.  "God, I am so passionate, I am burning alive here!  What do I do?"  Nothing.  We submit ourselves to the authority of God and ask Him to lead us where to go.  And when He does reveal this to us in prayer, through friends, a church service, or however He reveals things to our hearts, we take action.

My last caveat here.  There are some things we do not need to pray about.  I know that sounds like a contradiction to my last post, but hear me out.  If you are praying about tithing, stop praying.  Just do it.  It is already a Biblical command.  If you are feeling compelled to stop having sex before marriage, just do it.  It is already a Biblical command.  If you are feeling that it is time to stop swearing but you are not sure when is the right time to do it, stop praying.  Just do it.  It is already a Biblical command.  If you are praying about how you should spend your money, keep praying.  God will guide you.  For your sake and the Kingdom's, please do not waste time contemplating applying commands that have already been clarified for us by the Bible.  If you're cheating on taxes, stop.  Duh.

I write this to you not because I have mastered these issues, but because I am messed up.  I am selfish and want to be the king of my own life.  I pray that God would help me not be the king.  And then I try to be the king again.  It is a process, friends.  Do not be discouraged, but in all things ask God to help you honor Him.

So there's no story here.  I guess I cannot end this post with my typical "true story" line.  Eh.  I'll get over it.