Christians are nuts

mohsen-dayz.blogspot.com

More and more I am convinced that Christians have become exhausted of the superficial and trite blogs and devotionals that address an issue common to mainstream theology and philosophy.  We are searching for the meaning of our lives, for truth.  A majority of the readers of this blog have found that meaning and truth in Jesus Christ.  We are now an adventure of learning more about Christ and consequently, ourselves.  We find our personality and wholeness in Christ, gazing in Him as a mirror of our new nature and softened heart.  Christianity is not a new phenomenon; there are scholars and writers throughout the history of man who have purposed themselves in encouraging the believers of their generation to live Christ like lives.  As Christians in the 21st century, we have a wealth of knowledge available to us but none of this knowledge has transformed the world like the simplicity of the Gospel.  Despite the advancement of technology and social media, the Gospel has remained entirely the same and its power has not diminished.

Rather than obsess over the newest Christian book (I am being hypocritical because I long to write one) or the most popular ministry tactic, we must remember a fundamental truth of Christianity.  An understanding of this truth will change the way in which we view our lives.  It will penetrate that depths of the darkness that hovers around our world.  To allow this truth to transform our hearts will change the world nearly instantly.  This truth is that Christians are nuts.

I can hear the sigh of relief from my secular readers and a gasp of concern from my devout ones.  Christians, seriously ponder the mysteries of our faith.  By surrendering to Jesus Christ as our Lord, we left the matrix of fleshly living and our moral compass has transformed from self pleasure to pleasing a God we have yet to see in the physical.  We are clinically insane and possibly schizophrenic, we are delusional and we  hallucinate, we believe that we are called by a Higher Power to a mission to save the world with His love, we hear the voice of God and we obey Him if it cost us our lives.  We project the atrocities of humanity onto an enemy we also cannot see and cast invisible spirits into the pit where they have originated.  How can any rational  and logical human being not say that Christians are insane?  We are severely mentally ill at worst and at best we all have some type of Messiah complex that compels us to participate in certain behaviors (such as church attendance and missions trips).

Before you dismiss me as the next Rob Bell, please see the beauty of the insanity of a Christian.  Once a Christian realizes that he or she is nuts, I believe they will begin to live more Christ like lives.  Peter writes to the believers, calling them "aliens and strangers in the world" (1 Peter 2:11).  Aliens and strangers.  Our entire thought process is starkly different than those who call the earth home.  Our entire philosophy opposes and contradicts the philosophy of modern man.  The teachings of Christ by nature confront the urges and instincts of natural man.  Forgive your enemy, submit to your husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the church, men consider maidens (virgins) as your sisters, sell all you have, give to the poor, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, and so on.  It is no wonder why the world does not willingly accept the the gospel of our Lord.  They think He is crazy.  And because we follow Him, we are crazy too.

Acceptance of our insanity will release us from the compulsion to "fit in" with those around us.  Christians are not supposed to fit in.  Jesus was the archetype of Christian (though by definition I suppose Christ could not follow Himself unless He could dissociate).  Christians have been trying so hard to fit into the world, to be just like the ones to whom they minister.  Because of the nature of our new hearts, we desire to be at peace with our fellow man yet at what cost?  We are not seen as aliens and strangers, we are seen as hypocrites and liars.  We are seen as strange not because our faith and love changes the world, but because we say one thing and do the opposite.

I encourage us to reject the notion that we will be accepted by this world.   Should the world accept us with open arms, I dare say that the Lord may not do the same when we stand before His throne.  Where we may have compromised and sought out the acceptance of the world, we must surrender before the King and ask Him for mercy and repent.  We can no longer be known as "good people" who occasionally do the "right thing," but lunatics who have an obsession with integrity and truth, who cannot help but to love others with the entirety of their beings.  The first step is to positively identify the areas in our lives where we most long to be accepted by the world.  We can do this by examining the areas where we compromise the most.  Compromise is a symptom of a disagreement with the principles of Gospel, of cognitive and spiritual dissonance that requires immediate treatment.  For instance, a young man could use foul language in the presence of his atheistic friends to earn their acceptance despite his knowledge that his behavior is evil.  A young woman may dress provocatively to attain the attention of men and to receive social acceptance, despite her awareness that the Lord has called her to a lifestyle of virtue.  Identify where we compromise, where we are most afraid to be strangers and aliens, and present this matter to the Lord with an attitude of humility and repentance.

"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own.  As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world.  That is why the world hates you."  John 15:19  Jesus spoke those words to His disciples 2,000 years ago.  It is the prayer of my heart that they become our true story.

My end of the year secret

westernthm.wordpress.com

I wrote in my journal the following sentence today: "I give up on knowing."  Though the context in which it was written is irrelevant, the appearance of those words in that order on the page of my journal caused internal conflict.  Part of my heart feels that it is has reached this place of existence where understanding the meta-cognitive detail of my spiritual and emotional well being has become overwhelming.  Perhaps there is truth to the notion that one can be so self aware that he can become self absorbed, lost in a pursuit of inner shalom that is not possible on this side of eternity.  Perhaps it is true that one can be meticulous in the examination of his heart that even the peace of God does not mollify the angst of imperfection.  Even God, in His infinite wisdom and knowledge, is aware that humanity requires a Savior to experience even the slightest taste of goodness and internal rest.  There are times when I feel that God is looking at me and saying, "Give yourself a break."  And even if the Divine were to whisper that line to my heart, I would feel that I had failed Him because I could not achieve the spiritual maturity of never requiring a break.

As I reach this conclusion, I am entirely hesitant to post about it so my friends (and possibly a few strangers) could read about the depths of my heart's struggle with works salvation.  The beauty of blogging is that the blogger (I) can hide behind words on a page without sharing the means by which he (I) have reached the conclusions that he (I) has (have) reached.  Nevertheless, I write so the body of Christ can be edified.  Therefore I can vulnerably confess to the world (or the 24 people who will read this entry) that I do not believe that God is entirely satisfied with me.  When I read those words back to myself, I recognize that they are not Biblical nor are they accurate.  Despite my knowledge of the scriptures that tell believers that God is satisfied with His children, that they bring Him joy and that they are forgiven and sanctified by the blood of Jesus, I struggle to accept God's grace.

This issue is rooted deeply in my development throughout my childhood and adolescence.  Rejected by family and peers, I was taught that love is something that can be "achieved" by doing the right things at the right time for the right people.  Failure to say or do the right things at the correct moment resulted in emotional abandonment, creating a truthful fallacy (if such a thing can exist) that love ceases when good works cease.  It was my father who taught this to me more than any other person, producing a black hole in my heart that would vacuum any fabrication of intimacy and satisfaction into my soul (pornography, alcohol abuse, etc.).  If I failed to meet his unknown and untold expectations at any moment, I was reminded of my failure through insults, lectures and even worse, the cold shoulder or the lonely night on the steps waiting for Dad to visit.

The Lord has graciously placed me in a position now where He is surfacing these deep issues of my heart.  In the chaos of my life, continually surrounded by the responsibilities that accompany a young man on his adventure towards leaving his "father's house" (though my father was never in that house), I am finding that Christ lovingly confronts my heart with its faulty belief systems.  As He exemplifies tough love, God has not allowed me to escape the consequences of my upbringing.  Granting me a deeply introspective heart that longs to please, He is aware that I will respond to His confrontations with open arms.  However, where God disciplines me, I punish myself for failing to meet the mark.  I will even fast as a punishment for sinning, thinking that my fasting will perhaps earn my God's favor once again.

In my humanity, I have projected this perspective of my earthly father unto my heavenly Father.  Furthermore, I have projected this from my heavenly Father to the rest of humanity, requiring affirmation and reminders from those around me that my imperfection is not a flaw in my design but simply part of the design of humanity.  The idea that I can achieve optimal performance in any area of my life is a Messiah complex at best and is foolishness when written before me for my eyes to read.  

In the coming year, I long to experience the depths of healing of the lies presented to me by the enemy.  Furthermore, I desire to experience God's grace, to know that He truly has accepted me as I am not out of pity or obligation, but out of love.  Perhaps I will then be able to better experience the love of others and the internal rest that my heart so desires.  

This is the most transparent I have been in my years of writing, speaking and ministry.  Though I admit that I believe there are risks with posting these types of blogs frequently, I feel that the Lord grants us each certain experiences that can build others if we disallow ourselves the right to have a secret.  The irony of this entry is that the very thing that I inspired me to write is my frustration with my compulsion to write about my continual examination of my heart.  For those of you who are practical, who long for a "what do I do with this" conclusion, I can offer nothing but my apologies.  I do not know what to do next but to pray and perhaps come to the conclusion that giving up on knowing may be the beginning of a journey towards peace.

"For is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast."  Eph. 2:8-9 (NIV).  May this verse penetrate the depths of our hearts so that we will be free to live a grace filled life of certain acceptance and genuine contentedness.

Jesus makes me nauseous

immediatetheatre.org

During my private study with God, I have been reading Revelation.  I have never read the Book of Revelation in its entirety and have only familiarized myself with the material that pastors use in sermons to make interesting points.  I am trying not to be a superficial Bible reader so now I am really reading the book all the way through.

In Revelation 11, John is in the presence of a "mighty angel" (Rev. 11:1) who speaks with the voice of the "seven thunders" (Rev. 11:3).  When John went to write down the words of the angel who possessed a "little scroll," he was instructed by the Lord not do so.  John was not allowed to write the words of the angel, leaving the contents of the little scroll unknown to all mankind but John.  I wonder what words were spoken by the angel.  I ponder their power and their influence on humanity, but I recognize that God intentionally allowed the words of the little scroll and the angel to be a mystery to us.

As a truth seeker who desires to know the truth behind all things, this is a bit frustrating for me.  Why must there be secrets?  Yet, I recognize that Jesus Christ is truth personified and that He does not lie.  He is not passive, He assertively tells us there are some things for us to know and some things that we are not to know.  It was Satan who used God's sovereign and hidden knowledge to manipulate Adam and Eve.  He accuses God of keeping secrets from us so we will not be equal to Him.  Satan's own insecurity and pride is projected onto all of us causing us to be upset about the things that we do not know rather being thankfully content for the things we do know.

John is commanded to go to the angel and take the little scroll from him.  The angel informs John that he must eat the scroll.  The angel states that the scroll will initially taste like honey, but it will "sour" John's stomach (v. 9).  As the angel said, the scroll tasted as sweet as honey in his mouth but terribly upset his stomach (v. 10).  John was then told that he must prophesy again about many peoples, nations, languages and kinds (v. 11).  The same thing occurred with Ezekiel, when he was told to eat a scroll filled with judgments that caused his stomach to turn sour despite its sweetness in his mouth (Ezekiel 3).  I wonder if lactose intolerance was birthed at this moment.  Sweet in the mouth, awful in the stomach.

If we were to extrapolate this concept of sweetness in the mouth but sour in the stomach, I think we may find that the Lord has been doing the same things in our lives today.  There are specific issues and teachings that cause us to rejoice when we first hear of them, but they cause us deep unrest.  We may initially be excited about an international missions trip, but then find ourselves so convicted about what we have learned that it nearly makes us sick.  We may feel elated to disciple and mentor inner city children at the local public school, but then feel sick when we understand the conditions of the inner city neighborhoods.  The Lord will often turn our stomachs with conviction.  We feel so entirely moved about a certain cause or passion that we now feel compelled to act in an expression of God's love and justice.  We desire to be agents of shalom, representatives of the healing wholeness and rest that Jesus offers the world.

I cannot write on this topic very well because we do not know the contents of the scroll, but we know that after feeling incredibly nauseous John is instructed to prophesy.  The Holy Spirit may have done something similar in your life.  What makes you feel so nauseous and convicted that you feel you must act?  What passions has He given you?  Did you feel so burdened about the living conditions of the inner city that you must tell others?  Are you so passionate about sexual purity that you feel compelled to redefine the boundaries of your relationship?  Do you feel intense concern for victims of abuse and recognize that it is time for you to take personal action?  Does Jesus makes you feel nauseous about something?

This can be incredibly frustrating to meditate upon.  I am entirely nauseous about fatherhood and the lack of loving and supportive fathers.  Yet, I am not a dad.  What do I do?  Where do I turn?  So often the church does something silly like start a new fatherhood ministry that tells dads what they need to do to be good dads.  And when the super dad who runs the program has an affair and beats his son, the ministry falls apart and everyone goes back to their regular lives feeling defeated.  I would be wrong to encourage you to explore your passion and tell you to take action.  I struggle with the believers of the justice movement in the Church because they often say that we must take action if we feel passionate about something.  This leads to disorganized movements of young people trying to solve a problem or address a social concern without the guidance of mature believers, spiritual authority and most of all, the Holy Spirit.  I believe that God wants us to take action, but I also believe that hasty and unprotected action is equally if not more harmful than inaction. The Lord desires passion, but He desires obedience even more.

So what do you do next?  I do not know.  I do know that we need to pray, fast, read the Word and ask the Lord where to go, where to turn.  We can ask God to provide pastoral covering.  We can ask God where the work is already being done and see if we can join the work there.  The Church has enough "movements."  It needs obedient laborers who are not concerned with the glamour of beginning a new ministry but are dedicated to slaving in the work that is already being done.

If God has prepared these works in advance for us to do, He will lead us to them.  This is the reverse mentality of the Kingdom.  "God, I am so passionate, I am burning alive here!  What do I do?"  Nothing.  We submit ourselves to the authority of God and ask Him to lead us where to go.  And when He does reveal this to us in prayer, through friends, a church service, or however He reveals things to our hearts, we take action.

My last caveat here.  There are some things we do not need to pray about.  I know that sounds like a contradiction to my last post, but hear me out.  If you are praying about tithing, stop praying.  Just do it.  It is already a Biblical command.  If you are feeling compelled to stop having sex before marriage, just do it.  It is already a Biblical command.  If you are feeling that it is time to stop swearing but you are not sure when is the right time to do it, stop praying.  Just do it.  It is already a Biblical command.  If you are praying about how you should spend your money, keep praying.  God will guide you.  For your sake and the Kingdom's, please do not waste time contemplating applying commands that have already been clarified for us by the Bible.  If you're cheating on taxes, stop.  Duh.

I write this to you not because I have mastered these issues, but because I am messed up.  I am selfish and want to be the king of my own life.  I pray that God would help me not be the king.  And then I try to be the king again.  It is a process, friends.  Do not be discouraged, but in all things ask God to help you honor Him.

So there's no story here.  I guess I cannot end this post with my typical "true story" line.  Eh.  I'll get over it.