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As I was driving to the post office for work yesterday, my mind began to wander as it often does. Maybe one day I will keep my head where my feet are, though I imagine that there is nothing exciting about thinking of driving to the post office. As my mind wandered, I thought about the people in my life who tend to have a bit of a shell around their hearts. From family and friends to my clients or patients, it seems that so many have sealed their hearts with some form of enamel. They seem to be almost hard on the outside, invulnerable to the words and actions of others. In fact, some of them tend to be the most sarcastic and biting, the most dismissive and angry. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I’ll use my words or habitual emotional absence to make sure it doesn’t happen" seems to be the general attitude. After thinking about this for a few minutes, I realized that the reason that we all love M&M’s is because we are very similar to them. We have a hard protective shell that we have sealed around the best tasting, most enjoyable part of us: our hearts.
Our world is full of so much disappointment, hurt and pain that it becomes nearly justifiable to harden our hearts. Being "soft" is often frowned upon and is frequently seen as a sign of weakness. "Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve," "Life is tough, get a helmet," and "Only the strong survive." These expressions have woven themselves into the fabric of our society, encouraging us to disguise our gentleness with a mask of false security. Our hearts dance in a continuous masquerade, pretending to be invested in others while really hiding the inward truths of our soul.
Our fear is that if we break the shell, we would melt all over the place. We fear that our hearts would be exposed, to be hurt or touched by someone else. If we open the door to the truths and vulnerabilities of our hearts, the world would move in and take advantage of our gentleness. And sadly, there is some validity to those fears. Our world is wicked. It’s true. People hurt other people. Adam and Eve hurt each other. Here we are. It is incredibly tempting to remain protected by a coating, even if it is colorful and attractive, making us look held together and strong. I would encourage us to continue to do this if it were Biblical or Christ-like. It is neither.
"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart" (Ezk. 36:26 NLT). Responsive and tender. Would we consider our hearts responsive and tender? Does a responsive and tender heart have a hardened shell around it, preventing its beauties from being seen by the outside world? Responsive implies that we are compassionate, sharing our hearts, operating from a genuine care and love for others. It implies that we are sensitive to the heart of the heavenly Father as well as those He has placed in our lives. Tender suggests that our response ought to be gentle, that our hearts ought not to be jerky but the softest of meats. It takes more time and effort to offer a tender and soft piece of filet mignon then it does to hand someone a burnt hamburger. This Biblical truth requires that we work to maintain a soft heart. It tells us to share it with others and battle to remain tender and responsive.
I can almost hear the arguments. "That’s my business" or "You have no idea what happened to me." My clients say it all the time. "You don’t know what I have been through." Or the infamous, "You don’t know me." I have learned that the harder the shell, the softer the core is behind it. I am not saying that we should not guard our hearts. That too is a Biblical command. I am merely commenting on the motives for guarding it. The verse does not mean post two Centurions at the door and do not let anyone in. The command means that Jesus lives in our hearts (He is the wellspring of life) and that we ought not to be foolish in what we allow inside our hearts to cohabitate with Jesus.
Allow the shell around our hearts to break. Melt a little. Be tender and responsive. It is not often that people share a story about how blessed they were by a tough guy. True story.
Protecting/opening my heart to people is also one of my biggest struggles. I consider myself a very easygoing and friendly person, I like to meet new people but it's not often that I really get to know them in a deeper level or let them see through the happy girl face I keep on all the time even though I know by experience how much more satisfying and fulfilling it is to really know only a handful of people than barely know 50 instead.
ReplyDeleteBut it all comes down to fear, I guess. It's not only risky to open yourself and to dive deeply into other people's lives but also request a lot of time and effort. Especially because once you do, you cant just " turn off" a friend when you're busy or not in the mood to hang out, you cant just step away from people and go mind your own business...
And all this reminds me of a wise quote from my favorite character of my favorite book ever when the fox teaches the Little Prince that "you become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed”. So many times I feel like I avoid "taming" because I dont want to be responsible or even that I wont let myself be "tamed" because Im afraid to let other people have the responsibility about it.