I give people mad cow disease...

slate.com/id/97774/

I recently wrote about the beginning of my "weak."  It seems that my week is continuing with this theme as I learn more about my weaknesses as a man and as a believer.  I remember praying that God would grow me this week, praying that He would increase my discernment and my ability to hear His voice.  He is faithful to answer prayers and He has done so by exposing some of my character flaws to me and regretfully, to others as well.

I am learning that I am quick to speak, not nearly as quick to listen, quick to think that I am right, and not nearly as quick to listen to the hearts of others.  I am seeing that I can get defensive quickly and that I am not as "on point" with things like I often think that I am.  Furthermore, I am learning that one of the keys to loving others is to allow them the opportunity to rest when they are in my presence.  I feel often times I am filled with to do lists and goals, pushing people on to get their own to do lists as well.  "When can we do this?" or "You should pursue that."  My heart is that I would encourage others or join in their adventure, but I find that perhaps I am actually discouraging them by making them feel like where they are currently is not good enough.

My heart contemplates how I make others feel when they are in my presence.  Do they feel valued?  Do they feel at peace?  Do they capture a contagious love or shake off a nagging "wanna-be" Apostle Paul?  Do they find acceptance and patience or an infectiously condescending tone of "Why aren't you where I am?"

I do not write this to earn reassurances or encouragement.  I am not feeling self-defeatist nor am I appealing to pity.  I write this because I have this thorn in my flesh (quite literally, I am doubling over in stomach pain at the moment...might have had some bad meat) and the pain it causes my body reminds me of the pain that my pride and sin causes in the heart of God and the heart of those around me.   I am learning a lesson from Paul - we really ought to boast in our weaknesses so the power of Christ can fall upon us.

We can all take some time to consider what bad meat we might have eaten and look to see if we are force feeding the same meat down the mouths of others.  We must remember that the power of life and death lies in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21).  We must be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19), remembering that we are to consider others greater than ourselves (Phil. 2:3).  Even if we have pure intentions, we have to ensure that we are speaking life, not death, into the lives of those around us.  In doing so, we will be fulfilling Christ's command to love one another (John 13:34).

Ultimately, we wouldn't want to think we are serving someone a delicious steak and end up giving them mad cow disease.  True story.

The beginning of my weak...

edupics.com

Yesterday was probably one of the roughest days that I have had in a while.  It seemed as if each thing that could go wrong, did.  By 12:00 p.m., I was sitting in my car asking God to send help and to send some quickly. It seemed as if the day would never end, that I was stuck inside this prison of an awful Monday.  I had prayed over my day before I went to work, yet all these things continued to happen.  With each event, I would toughen up, bite my lip, and say, "Okay, God, You're in control."  By the end of the day, I was beginning to consider that I could do some nerve damage from all this lip biting.

I decided the best way to work out this frustration was to go the gym.  I hopped onto the bike, set the settings to uphill and peddled for a little less than forty minutes.  I was pushing myself pretty hard, sweat dripping down my face and pooling around my eyebrows (the only significant amount of hair on my head).  As the sweat dripped off my face, I felt like my body's energy source was growing weak.  I had very little motivation to continue on.  In fact, I stopped at about thirty-eight minutes, having biked about 8.98 uphill miles and 298 calories burned.  I do not write that to pat myself on the back.  In fact, it was the final blow to my heart for that day.  If I had not given up, I could have made it to 9.0 miles or 300 calories.  "See," my flesh accused.  "Always just a day late, always a dollar short.  Close, Stephen, but not quite."  I have heard that accusation before.  Close, Stephen, but not quite.

Sometimes I feel like that is where I am in my life.  Close, but not quite.  Close to success as a writer, but not quite.  Close to having more opportunities as a speaker, but not quite.  Close to being a successful musician, but not quite.  Close to losing the weight I want to lose, but not quite.  Close to a great job, but not quite.  Of course, this is a rather pessimistic lens from which to view life.  Typically, I do not view life from this perspective.  On the contrary, I am often thankful for being close to a goal or an opportunity.   Still, after my manic Monday (not sure how I feel about that song), I was ready to throw in the towel.  So I did.

By the time I showered and got ready for small group, I accepted defeat.  I was so tired of battling, so tired of fighting.  I was drained and flushed (guess I kind of felt like a toilet).  And when I finally stopped fighting, when I accepted that my frustration and my personal desire to be victorious was not enough fuel to find comfort, God's peace fell upon my heart.  I spent so much time fighting what God was trying to teach me throughout the day that God allowed these challenges to continue to bombard my heart.  When I entered onto I-95 (where Jesus seems to do a lot of construction on my heart), He reminded me that His strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Do you remember when the Lord spoke this to Paul?  It was when Paul was under an assault from Satan, when he experienced the thorn in his flesh.  Three times he asked God to deliver him from this thorn, this messenger from Satan, but the Lord spoke that His grace is sufficient for Paul, that God's strength is made perfect in weakness.  Paul's conclusion is still remarkable to me.  He says, "Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Cor. 12:9 ESV).  The challenges we face, the hurts before and ahead of us, the thorns in our flesh - they may all be designed to break our own strength to redirect us to the Lord's.

"I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor. 12:10).  Thank you, Paul, for writing your true story.

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree...you're dead.

bbc.co.uk

I was on the telephone, pacing around the parking lot outside my office.  I walked up to the pine trees that we have in our parking lot and noticed something rather peculiar.  The interior limbs and pines of the trees were dying, while the outside of the tree seemed to be very much alive.  Typically, one would notice that the exterior of the limbs of the trees die away, you cut back the dead part of the plant and watch the tree grow new branches and pines.  It seemed that the reverse was occurring for this particular tree and I could not understand it all.  And to be honest, I know exactly nothing about trees and I still have no idea as to how this could happen.  My only guess is that the interior of the tree is not as likely to be exposed to sunlight, minimizing its opportunities to conduct photosynthesis, causing the tree to lose some of its color and vitality.  Then again, I am certainly not an expert on trees.  (If anyone has expertise, feel free to enlighten me.)

Nevertheless, I thought that the tree did a very good job at demonstrating the hearts and lives of many believers today.  We all seem to do very well at portraying to the world that we are doing "fine."  The "limbs and pines" visible to outsiders are generally shown to be wonderful, alive, full of color, healthy and at peace.  We are cool, calm, collected and ready to serve.  Yet, one look at the inside of our hearts and we would see that these outside actions are fabrications designed to deceive onlookers into thinking we are spiritually healthy trees.  In all actuality, we may be dying from the inside out.

Not a very positive message, I know.  Yet, the truth is not always fun and clever.  Sometimes, it just hurts.  I believe that we all put on a show in one way or another.  To a point, it may be a good thing that we do.  We do not want to walk around with deep, gaping wounds of our hearts dangling on our sleeves.  And it is probably best that we do not post a sticky-note on our foreheads with our deepest fear or insecurity.  There are things that are meant to be shared with just the Lord, with accountability partners, and so on.  Nevertheless, we must ensure that our faith and our walk with God is not a show for the audience of our church or community group.  If we are functioning out of emotional or spiritual death or immaturity, it is only a matter of time before our exterior reflects our interior.

I assume it's only a matter of time before that tree in our parking lot dies as well.  Then again, I admit that I do not have the foggiest about trees and could therefore be totally inaccurate.  Still, God desires truth in the inward parts (Psalm 51:6 NIV).  Experience truth in your innermost being and your walk will reflect your emotional health and spiritual depth.  True story.

America runs on Dunkin', but toddlers run on Starbucks...

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I was sitting in Starbucks a couple weeks ago, drinking a cup of hot tea and doing some reading.  I am learning the importance of taking care of myself, to ensure that I am emotionally and spiritually well before I pour out my heart into the hearts of others.  I certainly do not want to be pouring out an emotionally unhealthy or spiritually infected offering into the body of Christ.  So many in ministry have forsaken proper self-care in thought that the Lord would count it as suffering for the Kingdom.  I am not sure that the Lord is pleased with failing to properly care for oneself.  In fact, I think He is most likely rather offended that we feel we do not need a Sabbath, that we feel we know how to better care for our temples than He does.  Jesus said He would give us rest and fullness of life (Matthew 11:28, John 10:10).  So if you are running on empty, then you need to stop doing all the running.

This topic of rest is a digression from my story.  As I sat in Starbucks, there seemed to be a lot of mothers coming in with their young daughters.  The daughters were most likely around four years old, maybe a little older.  One particular mother walked into the store and asked her little girl if she wanted the "mocha drink" or if she preferred to drink something else.  My initial reaction was to laugh.  America runs on Dunkin', but toddlers run on Starbucks.  The daughter and mother had a conversation about what beverage the daughter would like to drink.  I am sure that her mother was probably going to get her chocolate milk, the "mocha drink" of childhood champions.  My comments are not about the woman's parenting, but about how funny it is to hear a four year old ask for her mocha.

And it struck me.  I do it all the time.  I ask for the Lord to give me things for which I may not be truly prepared.  I imagine how God must react when He hears me ask for something that He knows I am not quite ready to encounter.  "Stephen, if I gave you that, what would you do with it?  Go clean your room, we'll talk about your own house later."  I wonder if God looks at us and smiles the way that I did when the girl asked for her mocha.  I wonder if he talks to His angels about it.  "Hey Michael, isn't Stephen cute?  Look how hard he is trying to be all grown up.  Man, he is precious."  I do not write this to imply that God is looking down at us and mocking our requests or our desires.  On the contrary, I believe that the Lord desires to grant us the desires of our hearts.  Yet, there is some element of truth to the idea that children are constantly trying to advance more quickly than they ought.  There is also an element of truth to the statement that emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically, etc., we do the same things in our adult lives.

The Lord tells us to present our requests to Him with thanksgiving (Philippians 4:6).  When we do this, we must recall that there is a proper season for everything under the sun.  There are times to laugh and mourn, times to tear and times to mend, a time to speak and a time to be silent, and so on (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).  God has these seasons in our lives mapped out by His glorious plan and His infinite wisdom.  There is a time for the desires of your heart to translate into reality and there are times for God to build the character worthy of that reality.

There is a time to drink chocolate milk and a time to drink mocha.  True story.

Hospitals, broken legs, and the bottoms of feet.

wrinklecontrol.info

I know it has been about a week since my last post.  I typically do not allow that much time to pass without posting, but the Lord and I have been spending some much needed time together. Since He reveals daily truths in a world saturated with lies, spending time with Him as He challenged and lavished His love upon me became a priority.  Thank you for your patience.

My father was in a nasty car accident last week.  I received a phone call from the hospital that my dad was in the emergency room with a fractured femur that would require emergency surgery.  I rushed down to the hospital, driving as if my Honda had lights and sirens.  Upon arrival to the hospital, I entered the emergency department and began the search for my dad.  The hospital security officer told me that he was down the hall to the left.  When I saw that there were multiple halls and a variety of lefts, I followed my gut and walked down the first hallway.  I peered into room after room, seeing only the bottoms of the feet of patients laying flat in their hospital beds.  Finally, I saw a pair of feet that looked familiar to me.  I entered the room, looked at the man laying in the bed and immediately identified my dad.  Because of my identity as my dad's son and my relationship with him, I was able to recognize him just by seeing the bottoms of his feet.

When believers experience the trails and tribulations of our Christian journey, when we face temptations and spiritual attacks, when we encounter hurts from our pasts or battle pain in our present, it is easy to lose sight of the Father.  In times of hurt, sorrow, anger or discouragement, God may seem distant, uncaring and controlling.  We project our negative experiences onto a perfect God, who does not seem so perfect in the midst of our chaos.  Yet I have learned that if we maintain spiritual and emotional vigilance, we will recognize our Father's feet in one of the hallways of our lives.

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and the follow me" (John 10:27 ESV).  God is faithful to speak to us, guide us and lead us through the difficult times of our spiritual adventure.  When He speaks, or when He shows His feet, His people will recognize and follow after Him.  Draw near unto God, learn about His character and His promises, and He will be continually faithful to show you His feet.  True story.

I could have ripped my pants...

coloradoguy.com

Last night I had the the privilege of meeting with some of the guys from my church.  We are all going to be preaching in the coming weeks, so we spent time going over our sermon notes.  I am very thankful for the encouragement as well as the challenges the meeting presented.  I think it is great when brothers dwell together in  unity (Psalm 133:1).

After the meeting ended, we all walked down this path that cuts through the woods from my pastor's house to the church parking lot.  It was very dark outside and there was no light to illuminate the wooded path.  I was walking behind the other brothers, following them in the darkness.  I could not see the ground nor could I see my feet.  I felt as if every step I took was a risk.  As we walked more, it became darker and more difficult to see.  I had the advantage of following the men in front of me.  I trusted their judgment.  And if one of them fell, it would have been a good sign not to do what that guy just did.  Ultimately, it was an okay situation for me because I had the privilege of having others who were going before me.  I would be able to learn from their error as well as follow in their footsteps.

God has strategically places Christians in our lives who have experienced similar pains and pleasures, trials and adventures, and love and loss so that we may learn from these spiritual elders.  While my initial thought was to "be a man" and navigate the dark path without watching my brothers' footsteps, I quickly recognized that this would most likely result in torn pants.  Jesus does not want us to tear our pants if He provides us with the opportunity to watch someone else who already did.  This is why Paul writes to us in 2 Corinthians 1 that we endure various trials and receive comfort from God only to share this comfort with others who are enduring the same trials.  When we learn from those who have maturity and experience, we will not rip our pants as often as we would if we chose to walk on our own.  True story.

Jesus was on I-95 again

carolinalive.com

Last night I was driving home on I-95 from my small group.  In front of me was a tractor trailer whose doors to its trailer had a clear reflection of a cross on them.  The cross, perfectly shaped like Jesus' cross, seemed to glow in the dark and was the only part of the vehicle fully visible in the dimly lit portion of the highway.  The truck passed me going fairly quickly on my left, but slowed down as it attempted to pass other cars.  For a few minutes, it felt as if my car were following after the cross.

I grew strangely excited.  I mean, I knew it was just a silly reflection on a truck.  It's not as if Jesus showed up on the highway and said follow me (though I-95 would be an interesting road to Damascus).  Nevertheless, I was praying and the sudden appearance of the cross was a comfort.  It was almost as if Jesus was egging me on.  "Come on, Stephen, follow me, catch up, run after me.  You can do it."  Now relax, I didn't start speeding down I-95 in pursuit of a cross on a truck.  Try explaining that to the state trooper.  "Sir, any reason you were speeding this evening?"  "Yes officer, I was following after Jesus.  He was on that truck."  I might be found "not guilty by reason of mental defect" for that speeding ticket.

The blessing of this story was to recall that I am to be pursuing Christ at high speed, chasing after Him because He is the prize.  Hebrews 12:1-2 reads, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith" (NIV).  Paul tells us to run to get the prize (1 Cor. 9:24).  We are to run - we are to chase - after Jesus.

I think of the prizes that I run to win.  It is tempting to run after things likes ministry, success, vacation time, types of cars, types of people, etc.  And while the things we desire are not intrinsically evil or bad for us, they become problematic when we have taken our eyes off of the cross and place them on an item or person or concept.

Here comes the big point, okay?  If we are following after Jesus, He will not withhold one good thing from those whose walk is blameless (Psalm 84:11).  "Oh, but my walk isn't blameless," you might say.  "I still idolize things, I still struggle with selfishness or socioeconomic status or pride or lust or resentment or anger."  Saint, are you not redeemed by the blood of the lamb?  Are you not covered by the blood of Jesus?  Did you commit your ways to the Lord Jesus?  At the point of justification, Jesus covers you in His blood and makes you blameless.  Have you ever thought of yourself as blameless?

Don't let me provide you with false comfort.  If you are voluntarily walking in willful disobedience to the Lord, the Lord is going to frustrate your plans and discipline you because He loves you.  Do not expect to walk into the land of milk and honey if you are stealing milk and have fourteen honeys.  Yet when we put away childish things (1 Cor. 13:11) and follow after Jesus (Matthew 4:19), He is faithful to bless the blameless.

Chasing after Jesus is the greatest adventure known to all mankind.  True story.

God runs an orphanage

When I was a young boy, I used to love riding bikes with my little brother.  I would ride my bicycle for hours.  I used to drive in circles around the house, racing my brother to see who could get the fastest time around the house.  Sometimes I would do this when I was alone.  I recall one specific time when I fell off of my bike and my knee hit the pavement of the driveway, scraping against a dull, old piece of metal that was protruding from the driveway.  I remember looking down at my knee and seeing a stream of blood flowing down my right leg towards my ankle.  I had never seen so much blood at that point in my childhood.  I began to experience the overwhelming anxiety of the "I've got a big boy boo-boo" crisis.

I ran to my mother for help and she quickly took care of my wound.  She was a bit surprised herself to see me come in the house with blood flowing down my leg, but the injury turned out to be fairly minor (though I still have a scar to this day).  My mother did a really good job taking care of me.  She always did.  And in her own way, she still does now.

I have been spending my morning with the Lord.  He has been searching through my heart as I pour all of its contents into His vats of peace and perfection.  The Lord has been speaking to me this morning through His word.  As I wrote down my thoughts, the Lord pointed me back to the Scripture that I read earlier today.  "He supports the fatherless and the widow" (Psalm 146:9, NASB).  While we may all differ on how we believe the Lord speaks to our hearts, after reminding me of this Scripture He whispered, "I looked after you when you were a small boy."  Being raised in a single parent home, I became overwhelmed at the thought.

When the Lord whispered that He watched over me as a little boy, I remembered that God has been fathering me all along.  He has known me all this time.  He has formed me to be a man after His heart.  When I reflect upon how much the Lord has led me through the pain and chaos of my life, when I see how well He has rescued me, I feel peace in knowing that He will answer my prayers, that He is planning the best for me, that He will lead me besides still waters and restore my soul.  He has plans to prosper me, plans to advance me, plans to glorify Himself through my life.  He loves me!

God shows no partiality, no favoritism.  I can only write of my own walk with the Lord, but I am certain that He has done great and wonderful things for you.  I am confident that He has protected you, delivered you, inspired you, encouraged you, rescued you, fathered you, helped you, advanced you, disciplined you, saved you.  Recall all the wonderful things that God has done for you when you present your requests to His Holiness.  Remember that He has been investing in you from the beginning of time, that He has been lavishing His love upon you before the foundations of the world.  You are loved!  You are loved!  You are loved!

The Lord seeks for opportunities to pour out His riches, to anoint your head with oils.  He looks to share Himself with you, He seeks to bless you.  How wonderful is our God that He looks to bless those who have cursed Him!  Who are we that He is mindful of us?  Rejoice, beloved, rejoice.

I am thankful for my own true story.  Praise God.

Snorting community and injecting fellowship

socialtimes.com

I signed onto Facebook today and saw that I lost another Facebook friend.  While the number has been fluctuating a bit, I am noticing that the number has been decreasing more often than increasing. (I think it's because I post too many blogs on my profile.  Eh, deal with it.  If I have to read your "my relationship is failing" status, you can read my "Jesus loves you and get your life together" blogs.)  Fear not, my social stability is not dependent upon my number of "friends" on a social networking website.  Yet, I think of how often I check my Facebook and email throughout the day.  I think of how often my "real life" friends do the same thing.  Some social psychologists are daring to say that thousands of Americans are addicted to Facebook, specifically the teenage population.  Check out this article for some interesting yet somewhat seemingly empirically unsupported hypotheses about social networking.

Humanity has a natural desire for affirmation and community.  We long for support and connectedness.  These desires in and of themselves are not problematic.  In fact, I would say that these desires are woven into our hearts by God Himself.  He has created His people for community.  When Adam was in full and complete fellowship with the Lord, God recognized that Adam needed a companion, a "help meet."  Adam's connectedness to Eve was established before the fall of man.  A desire to fellowship with others is Godly.  The Lord Himself desires fellowship, but He is complete within the trinity.  He is so holy and perfect that He finds community within Himself.  (The Community of the Trinity.  Sounds like a book I could write.  Not so sure I'm qualified, but have you seen the Christian section at Barnes and Noble or Borders? Anyway.)

The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy.  Part of the enemy's job description is to pervert our natural desires into sin.  In fact, I would say (and C.S. Lewis deserves some credit for leading me down this garden path) that sin is an attempt to satisfy a typically good and natural desire in a way that violates the standards of God.  For instance, a man longs to experience love and acceptance so he turns to pornography instead of the Lord.  A woman longs to feel affirmed and beautiful, so she enters relationship after relationship in an attempt to feel validated rather than receiving confidence from Christ.  A man wants to be a wise steward of his money so he lies to get a discount.  The examples are endless.

The enemy has perverted our natural desire for community and fellowship, turning Americans into social networking codependents.  We have filled every spare moment with text messages and Twitter statuses and every silent moment in the car with radio commercials.  As a culture, we are addicted to each other.  And somewhere in the chaos of pleasure neurotransmitters firing as we text and Tweet, Jesus is knocking.  "What about me?"

Drink of the water Jesus offers and you will never thirst again (John 4:14).  Jesus offers unlimited love, nighttime comfort, and weekend adventures.  True story.

Christianity is too simple

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For me to be continually writing and speaking, the Lord must consistently speak to my heart about issues in my own life.  I used to think that it was so easy for Paul to write these powerful instructions to other believers, but I see now that if Paul had to write these instructions to others the Lord must have already addressed the matter with him.  The Lord is constantly breaking my heart and putting it back together again, a little stronger each time. Today He broke my heart again and He is putting it all back together again in His own way.

John 14:15 reads, "If you love me, keep my commands."  I think that is where I get lost.  I think about the ministry events, the blogs, the speaking engagements, the sermon topics and all the other nonsense.  I forget that Christianity is that simple.  If I love Jesus, obey Him.  When I do this I experience His life and His peace.  When I do not do this, I experience the wages of sin (death is minimum sin wage).

So many believers have overcomplicated Christianity.  Some of us feel so passionate about negotiable issues of the Scripture that we forget that Jesus desires obedience.  The whole of His promises depend upon this matter.  He tells us that if we are weary and heavy-laden that He will give us a rest (Matthew 11:28).  In fact, right before Jesus tells us to obey Him, He says that whatever we ask for in His Name He'll do it (John 14:13).  He is so willing to do what we ask, He so desires to us to see a fullness of life (John 10:1), but how can He do this if we do not do what He commands?

Listen, obedience comes with risk.  We do not know how the other person will react.  We do not know what  will happen to our jobs if we dedicate ourselves to His service.  What if we lose money?  What if we fail?  What if no one listens?  What if we have to this alone?  What if we break the ties to those who the Lord has told us to leave behind?  What would happen if a person stopped partaking in activities that give even the image of sin?  "You mean, I can't do ________?"  All these what if questions paralyze us.  The American church is paralyzed by "what if?"  Satan stands back and laughs, he taunts us, he pokes at us.  Go to pray and  he'll whisper in your ear about your sin.  He'll do all he can to use your own works and words against you.

We have victory when we trust in Jesus, remembering that we are not to fear because He has overcome the world (John 16:33).  And we have victory when we obey Him.  The Lord is waiting to bless His people, He's preparing to open the floodgates of heaven and let it rain.  He is waiting on His people to be His people.  Blessed be the Name of the Lord.  Let everything that has breath praise His holy Name.

Jesus, thank You for loving us first.  Your story is the only true story I know.